


Distinctly Human (Jedi Code)

by kod11



Series: Getting to know you [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22169656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kod11/pseuds/kod11
Summary: Getting to know Kanan Jarrus has been more difficult than Hera expected.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Series: Getting to know you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632160
Comments: 43
Kudos: 129





	1. Emotion, yet peace

**Author's Note:**

> Kanan is far more passionate than Hera anticipated, which presents new challenges

Short-tempers aren’t a distinctly human thing, but Kanan takes it to a new level. She attributes a lot of Kanan’s behavior to evolutionary quarks of humanity. But she can’t help it; she’s curious. See, she’s been warned off human males for as long as she can remember. Zygerrians, Hutts, and humans are probably the biggest slavers in the galaxy. It is so tightly interwoven with their cultures that Hera was always encouraged to just avoid them. Ryloth was always a target for slavers, especially when the Republic was in chaos. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Kanan isn’t going to try to sell her, he’s a Jedi for Kikalekki’s [1] sake, at least she thinks he is. 

So after nearly 19 years of avoiding human males, Hera has one on her ship, and he’s loud, he's abrasive, Chopper has taken to calling him a meat sack, and overtly he’s flirtatious.

First, he hates Chop, who can hate a droid? Sure, Chop can be difficult, but he’s a droid, he hardly has ill intentions. It isn’t just Chop, though. It feels like they can’t land anywhere without Kanan picking a fight with someone. Kanan osculates between extreme feelings, rage, passion, indignation, anger, etc. Hera always thought Jedi were supposed to be unfeeling, but Kanan seems to always be feeling something or trying to. So, maybe the unfeeling Jedi was a myth? Hera and Kanan have been traveling together for a month, and his moods are getting old. 

“[The meat sake is late].” Ok, Chop doesn’t exactly like Kanan either. “[We should leave him here].”

“We’re not leaving him.” Hera is cleaning the air filter in the cargo hold, but she is going to have to replace the filter. She was hoping to get another hyperjump out of this one but nope. 

“[But have you considered],” dramatic pause from the droid, “[we leave him]?”

“Chop—”

“[Fine].” 

“Chop, run a diagnostic on the coolant.”

“[Why? Because I criticized the new meat sack]?”

“Because I told you to, and the new meat sack doesn’t complain when I ask him to do his job.” Chop lets loose a string of incoherent noises indicating his offense, but he heads to do his job. 

“That’s an odd pet name,” says Kanan. It startles Hera, who jumps when he speaks. He is entirely too quiet. Kanan smirks and says, “Sorry, I thought you heard me come in.”

Hera turns to him and begins to say, “I didn—What happened to your face?”

Kanan absentmindedly rubs his jaw and says, “I don’t know what you mean.” 

He has his hair down, which is kind of distracting. Hera imagines his change in hairstyle has to do with hiding his face.

“Oh, did you not know your face looks like tenderized meat?”

“The swelling will go down. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll be pretty again soon.”

Hera rolls her eyes. “Have you tried winning a fight?”

“I always win.” Kanan isn’t bragging. It is a statement of fact, unnerving really. He moves from the entry of cargo hold, past Hera to the ladder, and says, “We should probably head out soon. Just in case my new friends take issue with my leaving.”

Kanan is graceful in a way that most beings can't manage, and he is kind of drunk right now. 

“Why would they take issue?”

Kanan is already climbing the ladder and, in a flippant tone, says, “There was a misunderstanding with a barkeep and his daughter—daughters.” Of course, a woman or more. Kanan continues, and Hera can hear the smirk in his voice, “Don't worry, you’re the only one for me. No need to be jealous.”

Hera shakes her head. He means none of this, by the way. He just doesn’t seem to know how to have a relationship with someone that isn’t sexual, adversarial, or tangential. And they can’t just be acquittances on her ship. Living together implies a kind of intimacy, even if their relationship is strictly professional. For example, they eat breakfast together almost every day, well every day, they haven’t been on world because on those days, Kanan is usually sleeping off a bender. Also, for all his bravado, Kanan sleeps in his cabin alone, which doesn’t preclude sexual activity, but it isn’t as much as he’d have others believe. 

He also isn’t being serious. Kanan wouldn’t have been followed, or he wouldn’t have returned to the ship. In the brief time, they have known each other, Hera is the one responsible for putting Kanan at risk, not the other way around. 

“We’re not leaving until this evening. I have to run some errands,” Hera says, replacing the air filter. 

Kanan is leaning over the railing, looking down into the cargo hold. He nods but says nothing else. Hera anticipates Kanan not going with her to run her errands. This is the second world they have visited since he came on board, and last time, Kanan slept off his outing. 

So, he’ll probably do the same. It isn’t like he’s shirking his duties. There isn’t much to do right now, mostly because Kanan keeps everything so tidy. He has commandeered her galley, and weekly he cleans the ship, every room except Hera’s cabin. She didn’t even ask him to do that, just asked him on this third day to sweep out the cargo bay, and now he just does it. In that respect, he’s superior to Chop. 

A few hours later, when Hera is finally done with all her chores, she knocks on Kanan’s cabin door. There is no response. She taps the sensor, and the door opens with a whoosh, but Kanan isn’t there. 

His cabin is still hopelessly bare. It looks like no one lives here. Hera taps the sensor again, sealing the room, and heads toward the galley. 

Maybe she’ll just shout she and Chop are leaving. Kanan is lying on the floor on his back under the sink. He has everything they store under the sink around him while he works. 

“Kanan, what are you doing?” asks Hera.

He peeks out from under the sink and says, “I’m cleaning the trap in the sink out.”

Yes, of course, thinks Hera. “Ok, well, Chop and I are headed to the market.”

Kanan scoots out from under the sink, stands dusting off his pants, and says, “Ok, I’ll grab my stuff, and we’ll go.” Then he pauses, gesturing to the mess, “I’ll get this later.”

“Oh, you don’t have to go.”

“You don’t want me to go? Is it because I’m not pretty?”

Hera rolls her eyes and says, “Well, actually, I’d like to leave someone on the ship, just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“I don’t know. Just someone to watch the ship.”

“Let the droid stay,” suggests Kanan.

“[No! Male meat bag stays!]”

“I think I’ve offended it?” laughs Kanan, but he stops when Chop passes Hera and runs into Kanan’s legs. “Stupid, rusting bucket.”

Hera laughs but then turns to Chop and says, “What do you mean, male?”

Chop chirps in a friendly way. Hera continues, “Do you call me that too?”

“[Maybe].”

“Maybe?” growls Hera. 

Kanan grins, “Sounds like you’re staying here. Hera, I’ll meet you outside.”

“[You’re just siding with the meat sack because he’s a warm body].”

“That is offensive, Chop. I’m not. I don’t care about his body,” says Hera.

“That sounds promising,” says Kanan with a wink. 

Hera turns back to Chop, “I blame you for this.”

They walk to the market, which takes about an hour, but they aren’t rushing. Kanan is pleasant company when he wants to be. He talks idly about anything endlessly, but he rarely says anything of importance about himself. 

She can’t blame him; she isn’t exactly forthcoming about her past either. She assumes he didn’t know much about her at first. It surprised her when he didn’t jump ship the first time they visited a planet. However, Chopper informed her Kanan looked her up on the holonet, and so he knows who her father is. 

Maybe that’s what did it. The daughter of Cham Syndulla won’t turn a Jedi over to the Empire. Her father is a fierce defender of the Jedi. 

Not that Kanan would know anything about Ryloth, then again, if Kanan was in the Clone Wars, he might know a great deal about her father. She isn’t sure which would be better or worse. Cham Syndulla has quite the shoes to fill, and she’d rather not have Kanan judging her against the image he has of her father. But she isn’t sure why. Hera chooses not to overthink it. 

“I wonder if there will be fresh fruit here?” wonders Hera, aloud. 

“Probably, looking for something in particular?”

“Yes, an air filter for a VCX 100 freighter, but meiloorun would be nice.”

“Priorities, woman,” laughs Kanan. 

They go to three junk shops and strike out at everyone. At this point, Hera is nervous, though the first shopkeeper, a Rodian, offered to order an air filter for her, it could take a week for it to be delivered. He was also kind enough to give them a list of names of people who might be able to help her out. 

“There is the last one,” Kanan says gesturing, to a sketchy looking place with three men standing outside. “Looks promising.”

“Looks like if they have what we need, they probably stole it,” says Hera. 

“Too good to accept stolen goods?” jokes Kanan.

Hera responds with an eye roll. She doesn’t want to admit she’s nervous. It isn’t like she can’t handle herself, but she is also trying to stay under the radar, and it isn’t like they can leave the planet without that air filter. 

Kanan appears completely unbothered, sauntering up to the shop, and salutes the men outside, “Gentlemen.” Kanan holds the door open for Hera, “After you.”

Inside the shop is exactly what you would expect from a shop selling stolen goods in the Outer Rim. It is dark, dusty, smelly, and grimy. Kanan loves it and immediately breaks off from her to look at random things. 

“Hi,” Hera greets the male Besalisk behind the counter. Hera continues, “I’m looking for an air filter for a VCX 100 freighter. You don’t happen to be carrying one?” Hera gives her best shiny smile. 

He doesn’t respond right away, not looking up from his datapad. Then slowly he looks her over, in a way that makes her skin crawl. The Besalisk asks, “Why are you dressed like that?”

Hera glances toward Kanan, who is paying attention to what is happening, but trying to look like he isn’t. He does that a lot. Hera finds it patronizing. Hera says, “A pilot?”

“Why do you let your Twi’lek dress like this?” the Besalisk asks Kanan, who to his credit looks perplexed. 

“Excuse me, we’re looking for--” Hera tries again. 

“I don’t deal with slaves. You,” the Besalisk points to Kanan, “What is it you want?”

Kanan turns slowly and says, “She’s not a slave. She’s the captain of our ship. She wants an air filter.”

He sounds different, dangerous. He’s somehow personally offended this stranger believes her a slave as if most of the galaxy seeing a Twi’lek woman traveling with a human man wouldn’t assume the same. Regardless, Hera is still a bit stunned. Her work with the rebellion and her father has always provided some shelter from this sort of thing outright. 

“So, she doesn’t belong to you?” asks the Besalisk. Kanan doesn’t dignify that with an answer. The Besalisk continues, “I’ll give you 20,000 credits for her.”

Kanan looks livid, but Hera intercedes, “So, that’s a no on the air filter?” But neither men look at her. 

Finally, Kanan looks at her and says, “I think there is one over there, point to the other side of the shop.”

“Kanan, we can just go.” 

Kanan walks over to her, takes her right wrist, caressing it with this thumb in a calming motion, and points to a stack of air filters, saying, “Maybe in that pile.”

Hera is nervous, not because she thinks Kanan is entertaining this kriffing jerk, but because his voice and body language says trouble is just under the surface. She heads to the pile of air filters and start sorting. She glances over her shoulder to see Kanan and the Besalisk speaking. She can’t hear what they are saying, but both are getting heated, voices are rising, and the men from outside have come in. Damn it, Hera thinks, Kanan was right; this shop has exactly what she needs. 

Then there is violence. One of the three men who entered the shop stumbles in Hera’s direction after Kanan hit him, while another hit the floor after a Kanan’s knee connects with his stomach. The remaining one did punch Kanan in the face. It all happened so fast. Hera drops the air filter and shoves the remaining thug, who successfully hit Kanan out of the way. 

“We’re leaving,” Hera says, pulling Kanan by the hand with her. Hera drags him with her until they can’t see the shop before she lets go of him. Hera yells, “What were you thinking?”

“What were you thinking?” asks Kanan, “Did you hear that guy?”

Hera just stares at him, and Kanan asks, “What? Why aren’t you mad?”

“Of course, I’m mad. I’m furious, but that isn’t new. And we need that filter if we’re going to leave. So now, I’m going to have to go back there, pay twice as much as it is worth in an attempt to appease them because of you.”

“You’re not going back there.”

“Excuse me?”

“He wanted to buy you. You’re not going there alone. I’ll go back.” Kanan’s voice is shaking with anger.

“Because I can’t take care of myself?” asks Hera. 

“No. That’s not what---”

“So, they can beat you?”

“I already told you, I never lose a fight.” 

He’s completely unreasonable. Hera asks, “What makes that worse than you or any other male who objectifies me?”

“I don’t—”

Hera sighs, “You’re entirely too emotional about this. That is just part of it. Males always think I work for someone, or I’m owned by someone.”

“Part of what?”

Hera stops walking and says, “My lived experience, Kanan.”

Kanan sighs, “Let’s go back to the ship, and I’ll think of something. Or in the morning, we’ll go back, and I’ll apologize and buy the filter.”

“I don’t like it, but fine,” agrees Hera. 

“Good, I’m going to run over to the market and look for some ingredients since we’re here for at least one night. Why don’t you head back, and I’ll see you on the ship.”

“No,” says Hera.

“Why not?”

“Because I know you well enough to know you’re not just going to leave this alone. Come back to the ship with me—” Hera is cut off when her commlink goes off.

“[Fulcrum has sent a message].”

“Alright, we should move,” says Hera. 

“Or, you could go, instead of standing here trying to convince me to come with you?”

“I don’t have time for this.”

“I know you don’t,” grins Kanan.

Hera throws her hands up in the air, “You’re infuriating! Do whatever you want! I don’t care.” Hera marches back toward the ship, and Kanan, well, she doesn’t care what Kanan does. She just hopes he doesn’t get himself killed. 

Hera decides that when/if Kanan gets back, she’ll suggest Chopper pick up the air filter in the morning. It seems like the best compromise. She receives the message from Fulcrum, which amounts to thanks for the information and sit tight for further instructions. Really, it has just been a frustrating day. 

Kanan is in his cabin when she exits the cockpit. His room is silent, but Chop let her know Kanan returned. Chop, who has been unusually kind about Kanan since Hera returned and told him what happened. 

Hera decides she’s going to need a snack before dealing with Kanan again, and there on the table in the common room is the air filter and meiloorun. Not just any air filter, the one she had in the Besalisk’s shop. How did he? 

“[Meat sack said, he paid for the meiloorun].”

“Meaning he didn’t pay for the air filter?”

Chop gives Hera a whirl and spin indicating, he doesn’t know and might not care. 

Hera heads to Kanan’s cabin to give him a piece of her mind about this whole thing, which has just stewed in her mind the whole time. She doesn’t bother knocking, the door whooshes open, and Kanan is kneeling on the floor with his eyes closed and without boots. His hands are on his knees.

He opens his eyes immediately when Hera opens the door. Kanan asks, “Do you need something?”

Hera fumes, “What did you do?”

“The shopping?”

“Don’t. Don’t try to flirt or joke your way out of this. You could have been hurt.”

“I wasn’t going to be hurt. You were in far more danger than me. And I think we should leave sooner rather than later.”

“You mean before the Besalisk knows what happened? Before stormtroopers are called? What exactly do you mean?”

“They aren’t going to know what happened.”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean they aren’t going to know anything happened. The Besalisk gave me the air filter. It was a peaceful resolution. No more violence.”

“He just gave it to you out of the kindness in his heart?”

“He gave it to me because I told him to.”

“And that just works for you? You’re so good looking that people just give you whatever you want?”

Kanan grins at her, “You think I’m good looking?”

Hera breaths out through her nose. 

Kanan gives a short laugh, “I’m kidding, but yes. I told him to give me the air filter, and he did. No intergalactic laws were broken. And I paid for the meiloorun and other food.”

Hera decides she isn’t getting anywhere with Kanan. Who can just tell people to do things, and they do them? She nods and asks, “Do you want some of the meiloorun?” A peace offering. Two peaceful resolutions today. 

“No, thank you.” Kanan closes his eyes and breaths deeply. 

“What you don’t like meiloorun?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Everyone likes it.”

Kanan opens his eyes again and says, “Not me. I don’t even like the smell of them.”

“Bad experience with one? Because they are pretty terrible if not ripe,” offers Hera, leaning against the doorframe.

“No, just, it reminds me of a time I’d like to forget [2]. If you don’t mind, I need to meditate.” 

Hera turns to leave and says, “Thank you for both the meiloorun and air filter.”

“I’ll stop flirting with you. I know you don’t appreciate it. I’m not like them.”

Hera looks back at Kanan and says, “I know that,” before she closes his cabin door, whoosh.

Notes:  
[1] Twi’lek’s Goddess  
[2] Caleb Dume received one when Janus Kasmir found him after Order 66, and I figured PTSD might prevent him from enjoying the fruit.


	2. Ignorance, yet knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Kanan share intimate and antagonistic moments, and then a philosophical debate on knowing. Kanan continues to fight with an object.

Hera is avoiding both Kanan and Chopper, which is quite a feat on a spaceship. It is partly because Kanan and Chop are fighting constantly and partly because she keeps finding herself in awkward situations with Kanan, who then constantly makes it worse. And Chopper, well, he uses his judging click whenever Hera and Kanan are alone together. Either she and Kanan are awkwardly engaging with each other, or he’s picking fights with her over nothing. 

For example, a few nights ago, Hera and Kanan watched a holodrama together in the common room. Hera couldn’t tell you what it was about, some action holodrama romanticizing the Empire. Naturally, they argued about what to watch, with Kanan pointing out any holodrama with a budget is going to be pro-Empire, and he didn’t have any interest in watching some idealist druk. Hera eventually agreed if only because the lead in the holodrama is attractive if you like long-haired, roguish, humanoids, which she doesn’t. But it was long, and Hera was tired. She must have fallen asleep because she woke up lying half on top of Kanan with her head on his chest. Chopper clicking disapprovingly, and Kanan shushing him. Kanan just asked, “Did you sleep well?” 

Then he winked at her. Hera can’t tell what he thinks this means. She doesn’t know what he’s thinking. He could have just woken her up, but he let her sleep there, and presumably, he was awake before her. Hera and Kanan have also started doing an awkward shuffle when they try to pass one another on the ship. Chopper is keeping a running tally: 42 meat sack unnecessary touching since the air filter debacle. 

Of course, Chop picks that as the point of time to measure from. About five weeks ago, Kanan and Hera had a huge fight over an air filter, well mostly over the objectification of her people and professionalism. 

They moved past the fight, but when Hera went to install the air filter, Kanan insisted he help install it. It went as well as you’d expect. It culminated in Hera questioning Kanan, “Are you capable of following the most basic instructions?”

And Kanan replying, “Never had a problem when the person providing the instruction knew what the kriff they were doing.”

“So, you’re saying I don’t know how to run my ship.”

“Certainly, looks that way,” replied Kanan. The worst part was how calm he is during every argument. Hera can’t help but think he’s patronizing her with his tall masculine-ness. Of course, it didn’t end there, while crouching on the floor, Hera hit Kanan in the face with a rag. She promptly jumped up to leave him to do it his way, when Kanan snapped the rag against her ass. 

A stunned silence is the only way to describe it. 

Kanan immediately got to his feet and claimed, “That was a mistake. I didn’t know you would get up so fast.”

He looked so mortified that Hera immediately said, “It doesn’t matter, finish up here.”

She could hear him mumble to himself the whole way up the ladder, but decided not to listen to him. 

It isn’t all bad, though. Two weeks ago, Kanan saved the mission, despite his disinterest in the rebellion. Kanan comes through every time; it is unnatural. Hera can’t imagine what would have happened if Kanan didn’t think so fast on his feet. Of course, Hera’s out a blaster now, and she will need to replace it sooner or later. Kanan assured her he has an extra until she finds one she likes. 

However, right now, Chopper and Kanan are arguing, and Hera knows Kanan doesn’t speak binary. She sips her caf, hoping they can keep their argument to the hallway between the cabins out of her sightline. 

“[Stupid meat sack].”

“Same to you!” Kanan shouts back, which makes Hera smirk a little. 

“You might want to learn binary,” suggests Hera before taking a sip of her caf in the lounge. 

“Your droid is a sadist and must be stopped,” says Kanan, not even bothering to glance at Hera on his way to the gallery, presumably for caf. Kanan’s mood significantly improves with booze or caf. He hasn’t been drunk on the Ghost, not because Hera prohibits it, but because he literally came aboard with a bag and the clothes he was wearing. When he buys food, he never picks up booze. Hera’s pretty sure her one bottle of Rylothan yurp is the only booze on the ship right now.

“I travel light,” he said. Indeed, thought Hera. Since then, he hasn’t added much to his belongings. What he does have is a lot of random knowledge, which is shares happily with everyone, mostly Hera. Honestly, he’s almost always friendly, but friendly in that way strangers are who don’t want you to know too much about themselves way. Hera has on more than one occasion found herself several hours into conversations with Kanan where she is left possibly knowing less about the man than when she started. For example, she watched him use the Force, and now, she isn’t sure he was ever a Jedi. She knows he was a bouncer at a dive bar, a driver on Gorse, and a man whore. That last one is a bit harsh. He’s a flirt. 

But he is also unreasonably annoyed by a droid. 

Chop whizzes by Hera and heads for the galley, clearly this fight isn’t over. Hera thinks it is equal parts silly and adorable. Who lets droids get under their skin like that, humans? Or maybe Jedi? Hera stops, maybe this is a thing from the Clone Wars, something Kanan never dealt with properly. Also, Hera is assuming Kanan is a Jedi. He might just be Force-sensitive but was never a Jedi youngling, or Paduan, that isn’t right, whatever they were called. 

“Crinking, bucket, get back here!”

Chop whizzes by again. 

“[Morning, hiding],” Chopper greets Hera. 

“You better run!” And there is Kanan dripping with caf. 

Hera tries, she really does, but she can’t help it, and a giggle slips out. 

Kanan isn’t impressed, “Really? That droid is a menace.”

“To the Empire,” snarks Hera, “What happened?”

“I was getting caf, and it shocked the machine, which subsequently sprayed me.”

“And he just decided to do that?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him.” Hera rolls her eyes. Kanan smirks, “Or maybe he’s jealous he doesn’t get all your attention anymore?” And just like that, Kanan switches moods. Kanan has an uncanny ability to let go of his anger, and it makes Hera wonder if he can do that with any emotion. The Jedi were always rumored to be unfeeling. Hera, on the other hand, can hold a grudge until the end of time. 

“I don’t think droids can be jealous,” responds Hera with an eye-roll. 

“That one is,” Kanan turns back to the galley, “I’m going to make another; you want one?”

“No, thanks. I’m good. I should check to make sure we’re on course.”

“Right, where are we headed again? New mission?”

“Hardly, just a couple friends asked me to come see them on Alderaan, and since Fulcrum hasn’t sent word, I figured why not. There are plenty of bars on the planet.”

“You know me too well,” replies Kanan, but it isn’t sincere, and Hera wonders if anyone knows him well. She has trouble determining what is Kanan and what is what Kanan wants you to think of him. Zaluna said as much; he’s a better man than he wants people to know [1]. 

Hera wastes too much time thinking about it because Kanan comes back into the lounge with his wet shirt over his shoulder and caf in his hand, blissfully unaware of her presence. Or maybe not, he slides into the seat next to her, leans in, and drops his voice, “Have you considered rewiring him?”

Hera leans away from Kanan and says, “I like him the way he is.” Kanan’s very attractive, and he knows it; the same why Hera knows people find her attractive. Finding him attractive is fine, but when he uses that tone, she thinks about acting impulsively, and she isn’t sure she can manage Kanan’s unfeeling response if she catches feelings or, worse, him catching feelings. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He’s also unexpectedly insightful. 

“No,” she quips before he finishes his question. Damn. 

“Well, if you’re sure, but you’ve been staring at your lap, so it seems like you may be uncomfortable.”

“You make everyone uncomfortable.” It is supposed to be a joke, but his face gives her pause. Kanan puts more space between them. 

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention.” His tone is completely different, and this is what Hera thinks of when she thinks of the Jedi myths. Stoic, tall, Jedi devoid of any emotion. 

“I know; I was kidding.” Silence engulfs the space between them, and Hera clears her throat, “I should check---”

“The course,” Kanan finishes her sentence, nodding. 

But Hera doesn’t head to the cockpit; instead, she heads to the galley to return her mug to the sink. 

“Did I do something? Because I’m not really going to rewire your droid.”

Hera shakes her head no.

“But you’re not going to tell me what is going on?”

“Nothing…Look, maybe we should talk about living spaces.”

“Living spaces?” Kanan’s brow furrows, and Hera knows he thinks this is coming out of a black hole.

“Yes, I think it is better we’re fully dressed when in common spaces.” She feels her cheeks flame as Kanan grins with a knowing look in his eyes. 

Hera closes her eyes and exhales through her nose. But surprisingly, Kanan heads toward his cabin. On his way, he says, “Your droid did this, but I’ll get a shirt since I’m so distracting.”

“That’s not what I said,” Hera says, following him through the lounge toward the cabins and cockpit.

“It was implied.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Hera curses herself. She should have seen this coming. And yes, he is very attractive, but that’s not what this is. “Hygiene.”

Kanan stops walking, and Hera walks into his back. Kanan turns to look over his should at her while ducking his head a bit, still smirking, “Hygiene?”

He looks like he doesn’t believe her, and yes, she’s reaching, but she’s in charge, and maybe she’s being a little ridiculous the longer this goes on. 

Hera nods, “Yes, hygiene. You’re covered in hair, and it’s all over the place.” She gestures to the floor. It isn’t really. It is mostly in the shower, which is kind of gross, but Kanan is really good about cleaning the shower after use. 

Kanan steps away from her and leans against the wall across from her, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks contemplative and says, “Right, Twi’leks don’t have a lot of hair.”

Hera nods. 

“And you think hair is unhygienic?”

“Well, it is dead, right?”

“Yes. But not like you’re thinking,” Kanan cocks his head to the side, “Have you ever touched human hair?”

Hera flushes. That’s a thing that sounds pretty intimate. Hera knows this is a bad idea, but she shakes her head no. 

“Do you want to touch it?”

“Your hair?”

“Well, standing offer captain, you can touch me anywhere, but yeah, this particular time, I meant my hair.”

Hera’s face is on fire. She hesitates because what if he wants to touch her back? Maybe hair isn’t intimate, but lekku are. “It’s ok? You don’t mind, and it isn’t—” Hera’s at a loss for words.

“Isn’t what?”

“You can’t touch me.” Kanan’s brow furrows like he’s confused and maybe offended. 

“Outside of life and death situations, I’m never going to touch you without your permission, but I’m not sure where that is coming from.” Kanan is resolved in his tone, and Hera wonders if he’s thinking back to that Besalisk’s shop. 

“My head, Twi’leks’ lekku—they’re sensitive.”

“Oh. Ok. I didn’t know that. I’ll keep my hands to myself, smuggler’s honor,” says Kanan holding up two fingers on his right hand as if it means he’s being honest. “Human hair isn’t like that.” He sounds confused and probably has no idea exactly what she is implying. 

Hera extends her right hand and pats Kanan’s head, which gets a deep laugh out of him. Hera doesn’t know why she’s feeling embarrassed. 

“Not like that, here,” Kanan says, pulling his hair tie out, slipping it over his right-wrist, and running his fingers through his hair. The dark strands fall into his face, obscuring her view of his bright eyes. Kanan takes her right hand in his left and brings it up to his head. She threads her fingers through his hair. 

“Oh, it’s soft. Like Loth-cat.” Hera’s not sure what she was expecting, but this wasn’t it. 

“Sure, ok. That’s a first.” Kanan says with a bit of a laugh; he’s still smiling at her. She has eyebrows and eyelashes, so she skips right to his beard. It is coarser. Kanan leans into her hand a little. With her right hand touching his beard, Hera’s left-hand brushes his right arm. He startles a little.

“Does it hurt?”

“No, I don’t have feeling in it, just where it is attached.”

She flips his arm over so she can see the underside. She leans very close, “Oh, there are little ones here.”

“Yeah, humans have hair of differing textures just about everywhere,” Kanan laughs. Still, his breath hitches when Hera’s right-hand travels from his beard down his throat, her fingers stroking the round thing in the center, and then on to his chest. But he doesn’t move to stop her or say anything. The hair on his chest curls more than that on his head. He said this doesn’t matter; that this isn’t intimate. But she can feel his heartbeat, and she can’t help but wonder if humans’ hearts always race like that. It might have something to do with their temperament. 

She continues running her fingers lightly down the hair from his chest past his navel to his pants, when his stomach tenses, and he stops her hand with his. Kanan starts, “He-,” he clears his throat, “Hera, you might want to stop there. Or you’re going to get the wrong idea about my intentions.”

“[Number 43 unnecessary meat sack touching].” Chopper’s presence makes both Kanan and Hera attempt to step back from each other, and Hera realizes she advanced far closer to Kanan than she intended because Kanan steps backward into the wall. 

“Thanks, that was—” Hera’s still at a loss for words, “informative!” Both Kanan and Chop look at her, ok, so maybe she was too aggressive with her tone. She spins on her heels and disappears into the cockpit with a whoosh of the door.

“Informative?” she hears Kanan repeat through the door. He’s still smiling. She can hear it in his voice. 

It is a few hours later when Kanan knocks on the cockpit door. He does that, knocks before entering. 

“Yes?” replies Hera, they should reach Alderaan in the next few hours. 

The door whooshes open, and Kanan steps through and promptly throws himself into the co-pilot chair. He has this lazy way of moving despite his grace, almost like he’s disguising how graceful he can be. Hera can’t really explain it, but it isn’t what she would expect from a Jedi. She’d expect more deliberate movements from them. Then again, maybe this is deliberate?

“We should be there in a few hours,” supplies Hera.

“Hmm, oh, yeah, good,” Kanan replies thoughtlessly, stroking his beard.

“What is it, Kanan?”

“I…I owe you an apology.”

“Probably,” laughs Hera. She glances at him out of the side of her eyes without turning to face him. She’s still feeling her embarrassment from earlier, though she’s still unclear why. “For something particular?”

“I embarrassed you, well I think I embarrassed you earlier, and that wasn’t my intention.”

Obviously, thinks Hera, but what was his intention exactly? Hera says, “Well, you’re forgiven.”

“I’m not sure why you were embarrassed, though.” He doesn’t sound accusatory; instead, he sounds curious, like he doesn’t understand this response. 

“What makes you think I was?”

Kanan doesn’t respond to her. He just gazes at her passively. Can the Jedi read minds, or is that just a myth, wonders Hera. They both sit there in silence. While Hera has been alone on her ship for a long time, even she worries that Kanan will catch her talking to herself, but this silence feels unbearable. 

“I was an annoying child.”

That makes Hera turn to look at Kanan, who is now not looking at her but out the window. She snarks, “I’m sure you were,” to break the tension.

In response, Kanan turns to face her grinning, looking younger than he has since she’s known him. Kanan continues, “I would ask questions constantly. Curious about everything. I forget everyone isn’t like that, even the others weren’t.”

“Others? You have brothers and sisters?” asks Hera, turning to face him. Kanan continues to stare out into space. 

Kanan falls silent again; his expression darkens. “I’m not sure.”

Unbelievable, he’s not even going to tell her about his family, what does he think she is going to do? Turn them over to the Empire, no one cares about Kanan Jarrus’ family. “You don’t have to tell me, but it isn’t like I’m going to tell anyone,” states Hera and sets her jaw. 

“I don’t know much about my family, really. We were taken so young. I don’t remember anything prior to the Temple. But our Masters, they say, said,” he corrects himself, “we were naturally curious, but I may have been a bit over the top. The gaining of knowledge was of the highest importance.”

Hera swallows hard and nods. Did he just say he was a Jedi? Is that what just happened?

“Depa even jested I teach the council interrogation. She said I’d find a way to question the unquestionable. It is why she wanted me as a Padawan.” That’s the word. Kanan sounds far away. “I could make anyone question anything, even, Master Kenobi. I was obnoxious.”

“Was?” That gets a chuckle out of Kanan. 

“Anyway, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable for being curious. And, if you’re curious about anything else, and I can clarify, just let me know.”

“Do you have questions?”

“Always, weren’t you listening?” jokes Kanan. 

“I mean about Twi’leks,” Hera offers, hoping, she isn’t about to regret.

“I do, but I prefer a more hands-on learning approach—” Kanan’s head jerks in her direction, and he meets her eyes with a mortified look on his face. 

Hera is staring at him in disbelief; she’s disappointed in him, but before she can say anything, Kanan rushes, “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant I prefer an evolutionary learning process. I’ll find things out as I need to know them.”

“Hmm-hmm,” responds Hera, and she can’t help herself. Really, she doesn’t even think before she asks, “Doesn’t that make you wrong a lot?”

“How so?” asks Kanan.

“Well, if you don’t know something, it is possible that you would hold an opinion that is wrong and not know it.”

“What’s wrong with being wrong?” asks Kanan, and Hera wishes she paid more attention to philosophy holonet articles.

“Aside from the fact that being wrong means you’re wrong?” asks Hera, but she isn’t sure what she just said.

“Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view [2].” Kanan is looking off into space again. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means knowledge is often subjective and a state of mind. Sometimes, being wrong is one of the best ways to learn, as long as you can admit it.”

“What are the other ways?”

“Some other time, sweetheart,” says Kanan as he moves to exit the cockpit. 

Notes:  
[1] Star Wars: New Dawn novel  
[2] Obi-Wan Kenobi Return of the Jedi


	3. Passion, yet serenity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a break on Alderaan, Hera acts rashly, and Kanan isn’t stupid enough to argue and takes the path of least resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't my favorite, but I'm never going to like it. I've written this like three times. I feel like I'm rushing it by keeping this to five chapters, so I'm kind of stuck. Also, where the passion tenant falls in the Jedi Code. I also need the characters to be at a certain point for the next chapter, which is so much better than this one. 
> 
> I want to juxtapose their ages with their lived realities in the next chapter, so I need 20-year-olds acting like stupid 20-year-olds because you know what every 20-year-old thinks is a good idea? Casual sex between coworkers. So we can then acknowledge the trauma of child soldiers and growing up under occupation in the next chapter.
> 
> Mind the rating for this chapter.

After landing on Alderaan, Hera doesn’t have as much time as she’d like to get ready to meet her friends, but Nima and Tann will be stunning, so Hera can’t roll into the bar in her flight suit, no matter how comfortable it may be. To make it worse, Nima, Tann, and Hera are living very different lives.

Hera straightens the purple dress again and wonders, does she look like she’s trying too hard? It has a lower back than anything she’d normally wear, but that low of a back makes it easy to get on and off with her lekku. It also is quite short. She’s wearing her typical boots, though, because she needs to feel somewhat comfortable. Hera opted for a simple and conservative head covering in dark green, because who has one in this color purple? She hopes Kanan is already gone by the time she goes to leave. She doesn’t want to know what he thinks of her like this. 

One last look in the mirror and Hera opts to grab a simple black cloak. With a whoosh, her cabin door opens as Hera fastens her cloak. Looking up she takes a step back, Kanan is leaning against his door across from her. 

“I assumed you left already,” says Hera. 

“Thought about it, but then thought we should know where the other was headed, just in case.”

“Oh, yeah. I think the name of the bar is Amici’s or Amicus’,” replies Hera. That is prudent, and Hera should have thought about it, but her excitement and dread about seeing her friends is making her lose focus on the bigger picture. Technically, both Hera and Kanan are wanted by the Empire; then again, the Empire also doesn’t know the particulars of their existence. 

Kanan nods.

“What about you?” asks Hera.

“Whatever dive I find on the way.”

“Right,” laughs Hera, then she nervously points toward the direction of the door. “So, I’m going to go.”

“I’ll walk with you,” says Kanan, pushing off the wall with his shoulders.

“That isn’t necessary—” begins Hera, but Kanan cuts her off, “I need to find a dive anyway.”

“That’s unnecessary, but I don’t want to argue,” replies Hera walking past Kanan. 

“I wasn’t trying to fight,” says Kanan, who steps quickly to pass her to the door, holding it for Hera. “After you. Am I allowed to say you look lovely?”

“Quite an improvement?” jokes Hera.

“Not what I meant. You are dressed to impress someone, can’t imagine it is me. And I’m partial to the flight suit.” Kanan adds a wink to the last part of his statement. 

Hera feels her face fall, and pulls her left lekku over her shoulder, idly stroking it, and asks, “Does it look like I’m trying too hard?”

“What? No. That isn’t---”

“I look ridiculous?”

“Those words didn’t come out of my mouth—”

“It’s ok, I’m not mad. I know, this isn’t me anymore, or ever, really.” Hera feels ridiculous. She doesn’t know why she still compares herself to Nima and Tann. It feels very juvenile, particularly considering her work with the importance of the rebellion. Then worrying about what her childhood friends think makes her feel like an imposter. She should be more mature than this. 

Kanan grabs her hand to stop her from walking, “What I meant was you’re always beautiful. You know that, but you’re clearly doing this for someone’s benefit, and they’d be foolish not to notice.”

“Thank you, Kanan,” whispers Hera. Kanan doesn’t respond, but takes her arm, linking it in his, as they walk toward the tram. Kanan is dressed as he always is, like a rogue. He’s also armed, but that’s expected, and for the night, Hera imagines he’s going to have, probably for the best. 

“So, what do you have planned?” asks Hera while they ride the tram toward the city. 

“Just a drink in an atmosphere that speaks to me,” says Kanan. 

“Oh, this is my stop,” says Hera reaching for the tram cord to indicate she needs to exit the tram, but the crowded tram makes it difficult. Kanan reaches over her and pulls it.

“Thanks, see you late---” begins Hera stepping away from Kanan.

“I’ll walk with you.”

“That isn’t—”

“Necessary, I know. But a pub over here is the same as any other pub.”

Hardly, thinks Hera. Amicus’ is fancier than Hera was expecting, but she should have known given Tann’s tastes. 

Tann and Nima are standing inside the bar, but Hera would recognize them anywhere. They are both gorgeous with their trendy clothes and jeweled head coverings. However, Nima does a double-take when Hera walks in, but probably because Kanan opened the door for her. 

Kanan leans over and whispers into Hera’s ear cone, “I’ll be down the street at the Pit Stop.”

Hera laughs, “I’m glad you found the sketchiest bar in this part of town.”

“Always,” laughs Kanan, but he’s looking past Hera. 

Hera glances at what he’s looking at, who he’s looking at, Tann and Nima have made their way over. Tann’s orange skin glows in this light, and Nima appears to have a halo behind her blue lekku. 

“Hera, who is this?” exclaims Nima. 

“Oh, Kanan, this is Nima and Tann, we grew up together on Ryloth,” replies Hera.

“Nima, Tann, this is Kanan. He’s a member of my crew.” 

Both girls giggle, their greetings, eyeing Kanan in a way he probably appreciates. 

Kanan says, “Ladies, nice to meet you. Hera, see you at the ship.”

Kanan leaves, and both Tann and Nima demand to know everything about him. Hera tells them only the safe stuff, he’s brave, they just work together, he’s very clever, etc.

“I’m so proud of you and your boyfriend. It has been forever since you’ve had boy news!” shouts Nima.

“We’re not together, we’re colleagues.”

“Well, I’m not sure why you’re not sleeping with him,” declares Tann over her T’ill-T’ill. 

Hera’s on her third drink already. She needs the booze to deal with this conversation. 

“As I said, we’re colleagues.”

“I thought you said, he wasn’t part of the rebellion?” says Nima, shrewd as always. 

“He’s not.”

“So, why did he join your crew?” asks Nima.

“He wanted to leave the planet we met on---”

“This man left his life behind to fly around the galaxy, putting his life in danger with you when he isn’t convinced of your cause, and you think he just wants to keep it professional?” asks Nima in disbelief. “And, you want to keep it professional even though he’s saved your life like a dozen times?”

“It wasn’t that many times,” mumbles Hera. 

“That’s not what she said,” says Tann, “She said they are keeping it professional. Sounds like Hera being Hera.”

“What’s that mean?”

Nima and Tann laugh. Tann sighs, “Hera, you know what it means.”

“I don’t,” Hera says shortly. 

“It means you started looking for reasons to dump Skawn after you slept together because you didn’t want anything serious,” says Tann, invoking Hera’s longest relationship. 

“That’s not fair. We broke up because Skawn’s commitment was to my father---”

“To Ryloth,” corrects Nima.

“Not to the rebellion,” whispers Hera. 

“Politics later, ladies,” says Tann, “What about Rol?”

“What about Rol?” asks Hera. 

Nima giggles, “He was in love with you, and you broke his heart, too.”

“Face it luv, you’re a heartbreaker. I almost feel bad for this human,” laughs Tann. 

Nima bounces in her seat and says, “But you should sleep with him.” Hera gives Nima a look which says stop, but of course, it doesn’t work. Nima continues, “If you were at university with us, you would’ve had a human lover already.”

“So, I should screw him because you’ve fetishized his people?” asks Hera.

“You should screw him because there is more to life than the rebellion---” begins Tann. 

“I thought politics, later—” mocks Hera.

“Hera, you’re attracted to him. You or he could die at any moment—” says Tann. 

“That’s a little extreme.”

Nima giggles again, how much has she had to drink?

“You need some fun in your life, and this man is there, so why not?” asks Tann. 

“We know better, Hera. Don’t worry, we know you are opposed to all things fun,” says Nima.

Finally, Hera is successful at changing the subject to Nima’s new boyfriend and university life. Hera struggles with talking with her friends about their lives. She just can’t tell them what she’s working on. She can’t tell them about the blaster wound to her shoulder or anything that would have the girls fretting over her or worse potentially get back to her father. 

While Hera’s trying to be supportive of their choices, she can’t help but think their time would be better spent on Ryloth or with the rebellion. Or maybe she should be at home on Ryloth with her father fighting for her people? Maybe she’s the one making a mistake? Her mind keeps drifting to what they’ve said about Kanan, and she can't get it out of her mind, particularly when they are saying goodbye, and Nima says, “Well, if Hera doesn’t want him, Tann should go home with him.”

“He wasn’t interested in me,” replies Tann, giving Hera a smirk. 

To hell with it, I can be fun, thinks Hera, which bar was Kanan going to?

The Pit Stop is everything Hera thinks of when she thinks of the kind of place Kanan would choose to spend his time. It is dark and grimy. It isn’t overly crowded with Imperial factory worker locals hanging about the bar. Kanan’s people to a T. They hate their jobs, they drink their money away, and they do nothing to change it. 

Hera is kind of surprised that Kanan is alone at the bar. There are a couple women who keep looking over at him, but he’s paying them no attention. His indifference appears to make him more appealing to them. Kanan’s just chatting with the barkeep.

Hera strides over and smacks her hand on the bar next to Kanan, which gets his attention immediately. 

“Hello, sweetheart, what are you doing here?” asks Kanan.

“Leave him, girly, men like this are a dime a dozen, and you’re out of his league,” volunteers the barkeep. 

“Thanks, Mick,” grins Kanan, then turning to Hera, “He’s not wrong. Want a drink?”

Hera sees the two women who have been trying to get Kanan’s attention glare at her. Hera leans into Kanan, tugs on his arm, and says, “We should leave.”

Kanan’s demeanor changes, but instead of flirting the way Hera expects him to, Kanan stands and looks around the bar. He drops some credits on the bar and lets Hera pull him out of the bar. 

Once outside, Kanan asks, “Hera, what’s going on? Did someone make you?”

Hera doesn’t respond; instead, she flags down an air taxi. Kanan is getting more nervous, so Hera leans against him and asks, “Trust me?”

Kanan narrows his eyes, but he lets her pull him into the air taxi. 

“So, did I miss the bar fight?” asks Hera.

“Sorry, slow night for me. But I can’t be held accountable for what happens when you’re not around. So, you probably saved me from myself.” Kanan’s tone isn’t in jest, or maybe Hera just doesn’t get human sarcasm that way she thought she did. 

“I’m sure I did,” laughs Hera. 

Kanan keeps glancing around, and Hera doesn’t know what he’s looking for, but because of the cabbie, Kanan says nothing. 

This seemed like a much better idea before they got here, on the Ghost. Now she doesn’t know how to get it started. 

“Are you drunk?” asks Hera.

“Unfortunately, no. You said we had to leave, but I’m not sure why. Did something happen with your friends? Are they rebels too? I didn’t see anyone following us,” states Kanan.

“No, well kind of. They are for Ryloth freedom, but not the rebellion. Though arguably they are working toward the same goal, just they have such a small focus, but they aren’t really doing much right now while at university…” Hera is rambling because she’s a little buzzed, but that is wearing off, and her nerves are getting the best of her. 

Kanan cuts her off, “Hera, are you ok?”

She nods and steps closer to him. He leans forward a bit, presumably to hear her better, and she reaches out and caresses his cheek and beard. His eyebrows furrow and his eyes follow the curve of her arm, but he says nothing. She closes the gap between them and kisses him. Hera expected fireworks after all the flirting, but instead, all she got was a little charge. 

Kanan pulls back from her and asks, “Are you drunk? Because you’ve been clear about this not happening…”

“Just sex, but if I’ve misread your signals or your propositions, that’s fine.” Hera moves away from Kanan, feeling quite embarrassed, again, and trying to downplay it. 

Kanan grasps her left forearm, firmly, but not painfully, “You’re sure?”

Hera raises an eyebrow and nods, daring Kanan to say something else, but he doesn’t. Instead, she gets her fireworks. Kanan pulls her close, puts his left hand on her neck, angling her face toward his. It starts out cautious like Kanan’s waiting for her to change her mind, curse him out, and throw him off her ship. Then things take an intense turn, and Hera’s back comes into contact with the wall as Kanan spins them, so she’s wedged between him and the wall.

They come up for air, and Kanan says, “However, you want to do this.”

“Preferably not in a hallway…”

“I meant…”

“I know what you meant. Let’s worry about the rest later.” She doesn’t want to think about what happens after right now.

Kanan nods and pulls her even closer, his hands spanning her back. Hera runs her hands up Kanan’s arms and into his hair, pulls his hair tie out, and slipping it around her wrist the way she’s seen him do dozens of times and always wanted to try. She threads her fingers in his hair, and he growls a bit. 

“I thought hair wasn’t sensual?”

“I never said that I said it wasn’t responsive like lekku. There is nothing innately sensual about it.” Kanan says this into her ear cone, his warm breath making her shiver. Kanan’s hands run down her backside and grab the back of her thighs, lifting her off her feet. Her legs go around his hips. Speaking of her lekku, they are curling up a little at the ends with anticipation. They are kissing again, in a way that borders on aggressive, maybe all this tension has gone on for too long. 

Hera knows Kanan is carrying her down the hall, but she isn’t quite clear on where he is taking them. She’s also kind of surprised by his physical strength. He has a wiry frame, but feeling him like this, he feels powerful. The way he felt on the Ultimatum when he used the Force in front of her. It is hard to think with his mouth on her neck. 

A door opens. Kanan breaks his mouth away from her and says, “I’m going to put you down.”

“Hmm-hmm,” responds Hera, and he lets go of her thighs. She drops her legs, and he places her gently on the ground. She realizes he brought them to his cabin. She feels like everything is happening in slow motion, and simultaneously happening very fast. Maybe, she is moving slowly because Kanan is moving fast. Once he put her down, he undoes his pants and starts to kick off his boots. 

“Hera, you still want to do this?” asks Kanan. He must be interpreting her pause as hesitation. 

“Yeah, sorry, but yes.” She needs to get out of her head. That’s part of the point of all this. She can be carefree and enjoy herself.

“Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for. Is this too fast?”

“No, no,” says Hera, and she starts to undress. Next time she looks at Kanan after she dropped her dress, and he’s paused, standing still with his hands at the back of his shirt, getting ready to pull it off, watching her. 

It is just this would be easier if they just fucked in an alley by the bar. Then she wouldn’t have so much time to overthink this. Like, what if this goes badly? It could go badly in so many different ways. Hera asks, “Problem?”

Kanan shakes his head no, pulls his shirt off, and advances on her. His hands are on her again, and her doubts start to fade away again. It is easier to care less about the consequences when his hands are on her. 

In a low voice, Kanan says, “Just so you know, I’ve never been with a Twi’lek before, so if there is something you need or something you don’t like, you’re going to have to tell me.”

Hera nods; she should probably say the same to him about not being with a human male before, but she doesn’t really want to talk right now. She also doesn’t want to think too much about how all he probably knows about Twi’lek women is from the holonet and objectifying. She reaches up, grabbing his hair and pulls his mouth back to hers. Hair has its uses. He walks her backward until her legs bump against the bed. He guides her into a sitting position on the bed and starts kissing down her body while crouching over her. 

Kanan gets to his knees between her legs and kisses past her navel. He mumbles, “This ok?” While he slides his fingers under the sides of her panties. 

“Yeah,” she’s breathless with anticipation. And then her panties are gone, he’s pulled them down quickly, and then coherent thought leaves Hera’s mind. 

Kanan doesn’t waste much time at all. He’s immediately kissing and licking her. She falls back onto the bed, and Kanan takes the opportunity to pull her closer to the edge of the bed. He drapes his left arm over her right hip, providing enough pressure to keep her hips down, but his left-hand spreads her apart. His right-hand is gripping her left thigh. His mouth, and specifically his tongue, continues his assault on her. 

“Ka-Kan-Kanan!” Hera finally gets out as he penetrates her with his tongue. She’s gripping his bedding tightly in her fists. 

He pulls back and looks up at her, “We still ok?” She nods. Kanan continues, “You can talk more if you’re into it.”

“Are you?” asks Hera. 

Kanan mumbles his assent while he goes back to kissing, sucking, and licking her. His tongue is back inside of her, and even if she knew what to say, she couldn’t get the words out. Kanan moves up a little and focuses his attention on her clit, while he penetrates her with a finger. 

She moves her left leg up over his shoulder; she releases his bedding and starts tugging on his hair. She tries moving her hips in time with his hand as his finger moves in and out of her, but Kanan’s arm is holding her down. He chuckles against her and adds a second finger and increases his pace. 

Hera has no idea how much time has passed, but her moaning is getting loud. Then Kanan adds a third finger, and Hera cries out. Her climax rushes through her. She half expects him to get up and start fucking her, but instead, he keeps his attention on her while she rides her climax out. 

“Kriff, Kanan,” gasps Hera propping herself up on her elbows, “Where did you learn to do that?”

Kanan slowly pulls his fingers out of her, and Hera winces a little because everything is pulsing throughout her body right now. Kanan gently removes her leg from his shoulder and smirks at her, “Patience and practice, and I could use more practice.”

He stands up, and his pants are already undone, but still on and very tight. Hera begins, “Righ---”

“[Hera? Status report? Run a diagnostic check. Provide entry, meat sack! Prepare for visual input inspection.]”

Kanan turns toward the door and says, “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Learn binary. He’s worried about what we’re doing. I think he thinks you’re hurting me,” laughs Hera.

“Tell it, I’m not!” Kanan seems to find this less funny. Hera stands, but her legs give out a bit, and she stumbles. Kanan catches her, lifts her off her feet, and puts her back on the bed. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

Kanan strides to the door in four steps, opens it, and says, “Get lost. She’s fine.” Kanan looks over his shoulder, and for reasons, Hera isn’t sure about she pulls his bedding over her. As If Chop is going to care, she’s naked. Kanan says, “See, she’s fine.”

“[Meat sack].” Chopper shocks Kanan. 

“What the!?!” Kanan jumps away from Chopper. 

Chopper enters the room, turning to Hera, “[Come for a diagnostic check, Hera].”

“I’m alright, Chop. Take the rest of the night off.”

“And don’t shock Kanan, again,” supplies Kanan. 

Chop whirls in Kanan’s direction and starts spinning his limbs in a threating manner. 

“I’ll throw you out of here!” threats Kanan. 

“[Attempt, meat sack]!” Chopper lets slip a few warning shocks while moving menacingly toward Kanan. 

Kanan makes a face that indicates he doesn’t understand, but grins, closes his eyes, steps out from in front of the door, and waves his hand in Chop’s direction. Chop levitates and flies out the door. 

“Oh, Kikalekki [1]!” Hera jumps out of bed, taking Kanan’s sheets with her, “Chop, are you ok?”

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding,” exclaims Kanan. “That thing is a menace!”

“That thing is my best friend!” retorts Hera. 

Chop lets loose a string of incoherent squeaks and clicks, indicating something is wrong. 

“You’ve hurt him!”

“It’s a droid and faking,” replies Kanan, adjusting his pants. “I cushioned his fall with the Force.”

“I’ll be right back, I want to make sure Chop is ok. I can’t believe you used your powers on my droid” And with that, Hera exits Kanan’s room as Kanan rubs his hands over his face. 

She can hear him mumbling to himself, including, “The Force isn’t powers.” 

Chop does a droid version of a limp into the common room. However, once Kanan’s cabin door closed, Chop started acting like he was feeling better. 

“Oh, you little jerk!” says Hera. “Kanan was right; you were faking.” 

Hera turns to head back to Kanan’s cabin, and Chop rushes in front of her and clicks, “[No, meat sack’s intentions are suspect].”

“I’ll put you in power save mode,” threats Hera. Chop makes a ramming motion at her but doesn’t actually move toward her. 

She raises her eyebrow at him, daring him to do anything, and Chop replies, “[Fine. Don’t approve].”

“Don’t care,” says Hera. 

She walks back to Kanan’s cabin and wonders if she messed this up. She hesitates. What is she supposed to say? Sorry, you were right, my droid is a cockblock. Still into meaningless casual sex that will most likely change our entire dynamic?

The cabin door opens, and Hera jumps back a little. 

Kanan is lying on his bed with his left arm over his eyes, and his right arm extended toward the door. 

“How’d you know I was out here?”

“I could feel you through the Force.”

“I thought you didn’t like using it.”

“I don’t, but it isn’t like I can turn it off.”

He’s still hard, she can tell from the way he is laying. She walks into the room and closes the door. Kanan lays his right hand on his chest but keeps his left over his eyes and asks, “How’s Chop?”

Hera doesn’t respond right away; instead, she walks to the bed, drops the bedding she is wearing, and climbs on top of Kanan to straddle his waist. He moves immediately, both hands settling on her hips, and his expression is one of surprise. 

“He’s faking,” replies Hera. She can feel him twitch against her. 

“Knew it.”

“Is that what you like, being right?” His grip tightens a bit on her hips. 

Kanan says in his low voice, what Hera is beginning to think of as his bedroom voice, “I like your voice, the feel of your skin.” As he says skin, he runs his hands from her hips to the underside of her breast. Hera pushes down against his lap.

“My voice?” asks Hera. 

Kanan nods.

“There is nothing special about my voice, and I’m already naked, so—”

“You could read the sacred Jedi texts and get me off,” replies Kanan, “Do you want me to go on?”

“Wouldn’t hate it,” says Hera, as Kanan begins to laugh. Hera continues, “But you might want to take your pants off.” 

Hera leans up on her knees, and Kanan sits up and pushes his pants down, eventually kicking them off to the end of the bed. Kanan leans back and puts his hands back on her hips, but he doesn’t pull her down the way she expected him to. She settles back on to his lap. 

“Are you still ready? Or do you want me to—you know again?”

Hera doesn’t answer him, instead she takes his right hand and puts it between her legs. He pushes a finger into her, then pulls back and adds another, and repeats for the third time. They just slide in so easy. 

He’s looking up at her, and with his hair falling in his face like it is, and his eyes through the fringe, he looks younger, more like her age. She doesn’t actually know how old he is. 

“How old are you?” asks Hera, then promptly bites down on her lip.

“Afraid you’re taking advantage of me?” jokes Kanan. Hera giggles. He’s good at making her laugh. Kanan says, “I don’t know about 22, I think.”

His hand is still working between her legs, Hera’s thighs tense, and she starts moving her hips to meet his hand. 

Kanan smirks, watching her move. His penis is behind her, and she’s going to have to move back and start paying attention to him because this isn’t just about her despite his best attempts.

“Hera, do you want to?” He nods toward her, but she thinks he’s actually nodding toward his penis. 

“Yeah,” Hera nods. 

Kanan drags his hand away from her and to her hip again. His fingers are distractingly wet. 

“Do you want me to lift you? Or did you have something else in mind?” Hera can’t imagine what he’s thinking. She moves away from him, and his hands drop to the bed, next to her knees. 

Look, she’s felt what he had down there, throughout this, but when she settles on top of him with it pressed into her, but not quite into her. There are all kinds of crazy rumors about human men, but Kanan doesn’t seem that different. He wider, and maybe a little longer than her Twi’lek experiences, but nothing like the rumors, thankfully. 

“Wait,” says Kanan. He closes his eyes again and extends his right hand, and one of the draws of his wardrobe opens. Several things levitate a cube, two cylinders, and a leather pouch. It is the pouch that comes to Kanan.

“Is that your lightsaber?” asks Hera trying to peek into the drawer, shifting her weight, getting a pleasing sound out of Kanan. 

“I don’t want to talk about it unless you’re calling my cock a lightsaber. Which is kind of sexy and kind of weird.”

“That would be a weird conversation to have with a stormtrooper when I said lightsaber, I meant---” Hera trails off. 

Kanan laughs, “I dare you.”

Kanan pulls a condom out of the leather pouch. Hera moves back so he can put it on. Hera is pleased Kanan was thinking about it because her thoughts have been more focused on getting this started, not the logistics. It is more about safety than contraception because while Twi’leks and humans can procreate, it is rare. Hera laughs to herself, Kanan is quickly becoming the crew member responsible for logistics, so she can add this to the list. 

Hera begins to slide down Kanan, and his hands come back to her hips, guiding her a bit, but providing no pressure. Kanan’s tense, very tense. He moans when she takes him partially into her. 

She continues to slide down him, slowly, and it feels like it is taking forever. Finally, he’s all the way in her, or in as far as she’s going to be able to in this position. It is uncomfortable. She expected as much. 

“Hera, you ok? Do you want to stop?” asks Kanan. He sounds pained, but she thinks it isn’t actual pain; instead, she thinks it is tension. 

“Do you want to stop?” retorts Hera, knowing damn well he doesn’t. 

“Hera,” sighs Kanan, “Have you been with someone before?”

“Yes!” She shifts on him, and Kanan’s grip tightens on her. 

“Someone with a cock?”

Hera snorts and giggles a little, “Yes, someone with a cock. It isn’t my fault your people are fat.”

“My people aren’t fat. Your people are unusually thin.”

“I just need a minute to get used to it.”

“I have all the time in the galaxy,” says Kanan. But the tension in his body changes a bit. He’s still holding on to her, and he’s obviously still hard inside her, but his breathing is more relaxed, and his eyes close. 

“What are you doing?” asks Hera. 

“I’m going through breathing exercises that help with meditation.”

“Am I boring you?” asks Hera. 

“Quite the opposite.”

“Maybe you should be on top? It might work better.”

“No.”

“You don’t think it would work better?”

“I think it would work better for me, but I suspect it would be more uncomfortable, even painful for you. I can wait.”

“Doing your meditation breathing.”

Kanan opens his eyes and nods. Kanan asks, “Is there something I can do to help?”

Hera bites her bottom lip and looks away from him. It is odd to be shy when they are doing this. 

“Hera?”

She nods and reaches up, removing her head covering, “You can touch my lekku.”

Kanan reaches up, but he thinks better of it. Instead, he lifts her slightly and sits up. Then he pulls Hera’s lekku over her shoulders. Kanan lightly runs his hands over her lekku, and Hera giggles because his actions are closer to tickling than erotic. 

“I’m guessing this isn’t what you meant?” asks Kanan, sounding a bit shy. 

“Root to tip using the same pressure as you were using on my hips.”

Kanan snorts.

“What?” asks Hera.

“Those are clear instructions, Captain, and I know how you appreciate when I follow directions.” Kanan follows her instructions, and Hera can’t help but wonder if he was this eager to please as a Padawan.

Hera starts to lift herself off of Kanan and thrust downward, pushing him deeper inside her. Kanan’s breathing picks up, and the path of his hands falter. 

“You’re---What are you doing?” asks Kanan with his eyes drawn down.

“Umm—thought that might be obvious,” says Hera. On her next downward trust, Kanan’s eye flutter closed, and he moans. Hera giggles. 

“Oh, that’s what you’re doing.”

“Fucking you?”

“Trying to get my restraint to break.” Well, Hera can’t deny that because who gets a Jedi like this? They’re all celibate, or were all celibate, right? It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing she should ask Kanan while he’s inside her. 

“So, you’re saying, what exactly, you’re not going to let go? Because this seems like it might be a waste of time for you if you don’t intend on cumming.” Hera continues to move while she says this, feeling a little smug. 

“After you.”

“It just seems like maybe you’re not interested in this…” But Hera is cut off by Kanan’s mouth on hers.

“Just wanted to make sure you know you’re in charge of this,” says Kanan against Hera’s lips. 

“I never had any doubt; you called me Captain and everything,” replies Hera. 

“I’m happy to pull my weight, Captain.” With that, Kanan’s right arm loops around her waist and back, crushing her to him. He lifts her and pulls her back down. Hera tosses her head back, and Kanan’s left-hand grips her thigh. His mouth moves to her neck, placing open mouth, wet kisses, then moving to her lekku. 

Between thrusts, Kanan says, “If you want to stop or things get to be too much, just say so.”

“Luv, Twi’leks have more stamina than humans.”

“If you say so.” 

That was eight rounds ago, and Hera is beginning to rethink her choices. Kanan has cum maybe twice, and she knows she’s going to be sore in the morning, which is a few hours from now. Kanan’s stamina and restraint is something else, and Hera kind of wonders if this is a Jedi thing. After her eighth orgasm of the evening, she decides to pull the throttle back. 

“Kanan,” Hera gasps because they’ve shifted positions again, and they are on their left sides with him behind her, giving him way too, much access to her lekku. His arm is also under her neck, which is more comfortable, and by in large much less work for her than some of the other positions they’ve tried. 

“Yeah,” he grunts.

“We’re going to have to stop.”

All his movement stops, and he asks, “You ok? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, but I’m hitting my limit.”

“Ok, that’s fine. I’m going to pull out, tell me if I’m moving too fast or anything.”

“Luv, you can finish. I just don’t want to go again.”

“I’m good.”

“Kanan, please just finish-“

“Ok, can we change positions, and I’ll be fast.”

“Just what a girl wants to hear.”

“I’ve demonstrated I can keep up with you.” He wants her underneath him, and Hera vaguely wonders if this is a dominance thing. He lets his restraint fall away, and his movements are erratic, and he’s done as quickly as he promised. 

Kanan rolls off her on the right side of the bed, which puts him between Hera and the door. He faces her and pulls her close to him. Kanan’s breathing starts to even out almost immediately. That’s another rumor about human males; they sleep almost immediately. Hera shifts to pull away and Kanan asks, “Stay?”

Here hesitates; it is over now, and she doesn’t know how this is going to play out. Kanan continues, “I can feel you thinking. Can we just stay in this moment for a little longer? Anyway, you’re really warm, which is nice.”

Hera scoots closer to him and closes her eyes. She smirks and thinks, might as well. “Kanan?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you—because the Jedi are celibate, you’re not going decide you have to leave or anything, right? Because you violated the Jedi rules.”

“The Jedi weren’t celibate, and it was a code, the Jedi Code,” Kanan mumbles. 

“Yes, they were, maybe you weren’t.”

“I was 14 when—I was still young after everything. It wasn’t the sex that was the issue. It was the emotional attachment. Jedi forgo attachment. A lot preferred to live celibate or mostly celibate, but not all.” His voice trails off there at the end. 

“So, I don’t have to worry about you getting attached?” asks Hera. 

Kanan doesn’t respond, and Hera shifts a little to see his face. He is completely serene. This marks the first time Kanan has slept in front of her. Hera doesn’t actually sleep. She waits. She waits until Kanan is completely asleep, and after testing to see if he was going to wake up, she slips out of bed. 

She takes her clothes and goes to her cabin. She still doesn’t sleep. Instead, she can’t stop thinking about what Kanan is going to say or do come morning because she’s worried he might decide to leave the Ghost. Despite what her and Chop say, he’s very useful. She must have fallen asleep at some point because she wakes to the smell of something sweet cooking. 

Hera looks at her holoclock and sees she’s slept far later than she usually does. Druk, thinks Hera. She was right; she’s sore, but she doesn’t see any bruises or anything, just working muscles she hasn’t used in a while or in some cases ever. Hera sighs and decides to get out of bed. 

Hera drags herself to the common room where Kanan is sitting, eating what looks like Iktotch toast.

“Any of that left in the galley?” asks Hera.

Kanan nods with his mouthful, “Caf is on, too.”

Hera makes herself a plate and comes and sits with Kanan. He’s watching her, she can tell he thinks he’s being discrete. 

“So,” begins Kanan, and Hera can’t help but think, here it comes. Instead, Kanan says, “Figured if we leave today we can probably make Eriadu, and get back on schedule.”

Not what she was expecting, but it will work. Hera replies, “Sounds like a plan.” Hera debates leaving last night alone like it didn’t happen. Still, Kanan’s behavior gives Hera hope he’s not going to say something terrible, and they can keep things the way they were. She continues, “So, what brought on the breakfast?”

“Figured we’d both need our strength after last night,” Kanan says without inflection, just a statement of fact, almost cold. 

Hera nods. She’s not quite sure what to make of his response. 

“I should get to work. We’ve wasted most of the morning,” says Kanan. He stands and stretches his back before saying, “I’d be interested in a repeat of last night if you are. But if you’re not, that’s fine, too. But I thought we both had a good time.”

“So just attachment-free sex, when we feel like it?” asks Hera.

“Space gets boring,” replies Kanan with a nod, “We could pass the time. Leave your plate in the sink, and I’ll get the dishes later.”

Hera nods, “Maybe.”

She doesn’t tell Kanan, but she decides they shouldn’t opt for a repeat performance because one of them might catch feelings. Still, three weeks later, on a mission, Kanan takes a blaster shot to the chest. Hera more or less drags him back to the Ghost. Before he loses consciousness, Hera kisses him like she won’t get to again, just in case. He’s unconscious most of the night. Hera has to change the bacta patch three times. In the morning, when he finally wakes, Hera asks, “Luv, how are you feeling?”

Kanan replies, “The bacta patch did its job.”

After that, Hera and Kanan start regularly excising casual attachment-free sex at night and not talking about it during the day. She always initiates it, and Kanan never objects. 

Notes:  
[1] Twi’lek’s Goddess


	4. Chaos, yet harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera can’t help but think, Kanan is at his best when everything is going wrong, and it usually is. However, Hera sees a completely new side of Kanan when she meets his old partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably didn't edit this one as well as I should have. I'll probably revise it again in the next couple of days. If anyone notices logic inconsistencies or anything let me know.

Overall, the first ten months of their partnership works well. They work hard, are successful, enjoy their time together, even Kanan’s mood has improved. However, things take a turn when Fulcrum asks Hera to pick up information from Jiwo City on Lahn. Kanan is in a mood from the minute he hears about the mission. He is completely convinced that the mission is going to blow up in her face and is a waste of time. 

“Even having those are a capital offense, Hera.” Hera feels the eye roll coming. Yes, Kanan Imperial access codes are dangerous.

“If you’re going to be like that, just don’t go,” declares Hera when she’s finally had enough of Kanan’s attitude and pessimism. 

“Fine, Captain. I’ll stay behind.”

“Good!”

“Good!” Kanan yells back. 

Hera hates to admit it, but she thinks he might be right about it being a waste of time. She’s been in this dive cantina for three hours, and her contact hasn’t shown. She keeps snapping the hair tie she stolen from Kanan on her wrist. She has been wearing it on her wrist for about eight months. She was going to give it back, but the morning after their first time together, he had a new hair tie and never mentioned it. 

“Druk,” mumbles Hera to herself. It doesn’t help, men keep coming by to see if she wants company. But the worst are the two men in the back of the cantina who haven’t said anything to her. They are watching her, though, and Hera is trying to decide at what point to suck it up, go back to the ship, admit Kanan was right. But the longer she stays, the more she worries that the men in the back are going to do something stupid.

Hera glances one last time at the men in the back of the cantina, and one of the Kallerians raises his glass to her. Time for her to go. 

She exits the cantina and walks a few meters from the door when she sees a man who matches the description from Fulcrum. 

“Elan?” asks Hera. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hera?” stammers Elan, and Hera nods, “Look, I need to get off this planet. I’ll sell you the access codes discounted if you get me off this planet.”

“Sure,” says Hera. Today is turning around. “Do you have the codes with you?” But before Elan answers, one of the Kallerans from the bar strikes the back of his head with a blaster. At the same time, someone grabs her from behind. Hera fights her way free of the other Kalleran, only to be seized by the first, who has the foresight to pin her arms to her sides and lifts her off her feet. 

“Put her down,” says Kanan, so he did come, thinks Hera, and she immediately squashes the smile that started on her face. 

“Or you’ll what human?” mocks the first Kalleran. 

Kanan doesn’t say anything; instead, he hits the Kalleran closest to him. Hera kicks her right leg back as hard as she can, which makes the Kalleran stumble but not release her. Kanan’s doing better in his fight, but that is just pissing the Kalleran off. Hera tries again, and this time the Kalleran holding her does release her only to hit her with his right fist to the face. Hera stumbles and has to catch her balance. 

Kanan throws his Kallaran back and rushes to Hera, asking, “Are you ok?”

She doesn’t get to respond because the Kalleran she was fighting tackles Kanan, and the one Kanan was fighting draws a blaster and points it at Hera. 

“I wouldn’t test him,” says a masculine voice behind Hera. She turns to see who spoke, a tall Devaronian with a reddish hue of skin.

The first Kalleran asks, “Why not?”

“Last time, I saw that kid, he stole a ship, blew up a freighter, and those were the least crazy things he did that day. You don’t want to fight him,” says the Devaronian. 

“And why not?” asks the second Kalleran.

“You’re looking at one of the last Jedi,” says the Devaronian. Both Kallerans fall back a bit and don’t look happy about it. 

“He doesn’t look like much,” says the Kalleran, Hera was fighting. 

“None of them did,” says the Devaronian. 

Kanan stands up and dusts himself off, saying, “Say it a little louder General Kleeve, I don’t think they can hear you back in the cantina.”

“Still a crinking little Hutt spawn,” says General Kleeve. General of what, exactly, wonders Hera. 

“I’m surprised you recognized me; it’s been a long time,” says Kanan, spitting blood on the street, turning to Hera, “You, ok?”

“I’m fine,” mumbles Hera. 

“I’d recognize that right hook anywhere, kid,” says General Kleeve.

“Good to see you, too, Kleeve, or is it Jondo, now,” says Kanan with a shrug. Looking back to Hera, “Good news, I know these guys. Bad news, they might want to kill me.”

“So, they know you, well,” snarks Hera. 

Kleeve/Jondo laughs, saying, “We’re taking this guy with us,” gesturing to Elan, “So, I suppose you’re coming with us?”

“No, we’re not going anywhere with you, and you’re not taking him,” declares Hera. 

“Shut up, schutta [1]!” says the Kalleran, Hera kicked. Hera’s not even surprised at this point, males who feel emasculated by her tend to resort to racist and sexist name-calling.

Kanan, however, doesn’t take it well and hits the Kalleran in the face. They start to fight again, but Kleeve/Jondo looks to Hera and says, “Sorry about Dex. He’s an idiot on a good day. But I’m taking Elan. He killed two of my men, and there are consequences for that.”

Kleeve/Jondo kicks dirt at Kanan and Dex, shouting, “Knock it off. I want to move before someone calls stormtroopers.” Kleeve/Jondo’s admonishing does nothing to distract Kanan and Dex. Kanan is winning, as usual, and while Hera would never admit it, Kanan moves like poetry when fighting. He has a rhythm she doesn’t understand. Kleeve/Jondo continues, “Vape [2], Fontus, grab the humanoid. We’re going. They’ll follow if they want him.”

Fontus picks Elan up and tosses him on a speeder. Kleeve/Jondo turns to Hera, “You can ride with me if you’d like. Those two can walk back.” 

Kleeve/Jondo holds his hand out to Hera, and she doesn’t have much of a choice because they are taking Elan. Hera says, “Look, I just need to get some information from Elan.”

“He’s going to be out for a while, and we’re not staying out here all night. So, get on or don’t. It makes no difference to me.”

Hera climbs on the speeder behind Kleeve/Jondo. Fontus and Elan’s speeder takes off. Hera asks, “What should I call you?”

“Jondo is fine.” Jondo shifts gear and takes off, but they go nowhere. Kanan pushes Dex to the ground and extends his right hand, holding the speeder back. 

“I hate the Jedi,” growls Jondo. Dex shoves Kanan, and Kanan releases the speeder. 

“How do you know Kanan?” Hera yells over the sound of the speeder.

Jondo laughs, “Kanan? I just tried to kill him. Then I saved his life, so really, you owe me.” 

Hera realizes, she should have considered that Kanan would have changed his name. Hera huffs, “What? You want a thank you? That guy’s a pain in the ass.”

“So, he hasn’t changed?” laughs Jondo. 

Hera is taken to a ship called Kasmiri, a KST-100 Kestrel light executive transport, freighter class. It’s a nice ship. Hera’s clocked four crew members, including Dex, and in addition to Jondo, who seems to be in charge. Hera hasn’t seen Elan since they brought in onboard, presumably he’s still unconscious.

She sitting in the common room waiting for the captain of the ship so they can discuss Elan. She hears Kanan before she sees him. He’s swearing up a storm at Dex. One of the crew members stops both Kanan and Dex per Jondo’s instruction. 

“Where is she?” demands Kanan.

“You can’t come on board, Jondo was clear. Until we’re clear on the prisoner.”

“Give me a kronging break! I don’t give a druk about Elan. I want Hera.” Kanan’s temper is quickly getting out of control. Then it changes, Kanan’s tone levels off and says, “You will let me pass.”

Hera laughs and says, “He thinks people will just do whatever he wants.”

Jondo gives her a look like he knows something she doesn’t and nods, “Well, he’s a Jedi.”

That gives Hera pause, can the Jedi make people do things? Hera doesn’t have a lot of time to ponder it because Kanan comes barging into the common room. Kanan asks, “Hera, are you ok?”

Jondo responds before she gets a chance, “Your girl’s fine.” Then he looks Hera over, and continues, “Really fine. Have a seat, Kanan.” Jondo draws out the word Kanan like some inside joke.

“We’re leaving,” says Kanan.

“We’re not leaving without Elan,” declares Hera.

Kanan looks at Jondo, “Can we get a minute?”

“Young love. Reminds me of me and my wife,” laughs Jondo.

“Oh, no-!” starts Hera.

Kanan is astonished, too, and asks, “You’re married?” Guess, his astonishment was misplaced. But Jondo leaves them alone without acknowledging Kanan’s question. 

Kanan leans over her and says, “Hera, these people are dangerous. They’re smugglers. Elan killed at least two people. They aren’t going to give him to you. They’re going to kill him.”

“All the more reason, we can’t let them kill Elan.”

“Yes, yes, we can.”

A man walks into the common room and says, “Look at this Jedi scum.” The man, a Kalleran, presumably the captain, is followed by the whole crew, and Kanan turns to face him.

“If he’s really a Jedi, we should turn him into the Empire,” says one of the crew Hera doesn’t have a name for. 

“Anyone who tries will get thrown out the airlock,” says the captain, “Seems fitting, right kid?” The captain turns to his crew and says, “Last time I saw this kid he jumped out an airlock into space, I barely caught him in the cargo hold. Thought he was dead.”

“You did what?!?” shouts Hera. Great, now everyone is looking at her.

“I can explain,” says Kanan giving her a grin and a wink.

“And who are you, darlin’?” asks the captain. The captain is leering, but in the same way, Kanan did on Gorse. It feels the same, more for show than anything else. 

Kanan rolls his eyes and gestures between the captain and Hera, “Janus Kasmir, Captain Hera Syndulla, Hera, Captain Janus Kasmir.” 

Janus takes Hera’s hand and kisses the back of it and says, “Captain? Well, Captain Syndulla, the pleasure, is all mine.”

“It is,” mumbles Kanan. 

“Nice to meet you,” says Hera, subtly trying to pull her hand back, but Janus is still holding it. There is something terribly familiar about Janus’s mannerisms. 

“Syndulla?” asks Jondo, “No druk? You know Cham Syndulla?” Hera nods but doesn’t give any further information. Often people admire her father’s tactics but have fewer warm feelings for the man and his family. Jondo continues, “We came hard for him. Nearly starved him out, but he and Mace Windu held off 100,000 droids. How do you know him?”

“It wasn’t a 100,000 droids. Sounds like you weren’t there,” replies Hera. 

“I wasn’t. I was never on Ryloth. I was too busy dealing with my version of crazy,” gesturing to Kanan, “And I didn’t need to deal with Syndulla’s crazy, too.” 

Kanan shrugs and supplies, “General Kleeve of the Separatist army, formerly.”

Hera’s face must have given her away. Jondo smirks, “Jondo, now Kanan. Come on, don’t hold grudges from the past. If the kid and I can put it behind us, then surely you and I can? I’m guessing you were there?”

“Starving to death. But he kept us underground in the tunnels.”

“Smart, but that was never Cham Syndulla’s problem, he was too idealist,” says Jondo.

“That changed,” says Hera, looking away from the former Separatist General and the rest of their company.

“What changed? What could change the great Syndulla’s mind?” asks Jondo with a smile. 

He clearly respects her father. Hera sighs, “His idealism was buried with Tislera. Ryloth’s freedom became an obsession. It will kill him.”

“Tislera?” asks Jondo, “Was that a compatriot? I’m not familiar.”

“Yes, his wife,” replies Hera, coolly. She can feel Kanan’s eyes on her face, so she tried to keep any emotion from her face. 

“She's always this friendly?” laughs Janus.

“Pretty much,” replies Kanan.

“Well, boys, bring several bottles of Ipellrilla firewater, but only one bottle of the good stuff for the Mrs. This kid could outdrink a Wookie at 14. Then, kid, you can argue for the man who killed two of my men,” says Janus sitting next to Hera. Kanan drops into the chair on her other side. 

“Don’t call me, kid. The way I see it,” begins Kanan, draping his left arm across the back of Hera’s chair, “We don’t have much to discuss. You let us purchase the information we wanted to buy, and we’re gone.”

“Hmm, I see it,” begins Janus, stroking his chin nodding, in a very reminiscent manner, “But there is still the matter of my two crew.”

Hera begins, “Well—”

Kanan cuts her off, brushes his fingers across the back of her neck, which regrettably makes her shiver, “Yeah, the way I see it, you’re coming out ahead.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, we pay the agreed rate for the information, and then you conscribe Elan into your crew to work the mission he’s screwed up by killing your crew. Then you can charge him, board, until the mission is over. You’ll make a profit from that on top of the profit from the job. Everybody wins—well, not everyone. We win, you win, Elan is screwed.”

Janus and Jondo are laughing. The rest of the crew and Hera looks on in disbelief. Janus clears his throat, “You know, kid, sometimes I’ve really missed you.”

“Now, that was some Jedi druk, right there,” laughs Jondo.

Janus takes a swig of his drink and leans back, “Well, that sounds like a good plan, except we’re out two men on an eight-man job. Then, the matter of that fat-kriffing humanoid. I don’t think we can rely on him in a pinch. Not like you and your lady here. You were always good, and she looks capable.”

“No. Well, sweetheart,” Kanan says, looking at Hera, “We tried.” Turning back to Janus and Jondo, Kanan says, “Kill him.”

The crew looks shocked, even Jondo. 

“I’m confused,” begins Dex.

“Just a state of being for you, huh?” mocks Kanan.

“No, no, really, aren’t Jedi all monks and believe that all life is precious druk?” asks Dex, looking at everyone but the Jedi in question. “So, how’s he got a wife and ready to let some guy die?”

“That time has passed,” says Kanan. 

“Finally, learned to live like the other miscreants?” asks Janus. 

“Guess so.”

“Well, watch the ship, boys, after his first lesson he stole it,” says Janus.

“You said, lie, cheat, and steal, but don’t worry about it. Her ships nicer,” reassures Kanan.

“Then, darlin, you better watch your ship. The kid has a habit of taking off with them when he thinks he’s protecting you,” says Janus. 

“No one is killing anyone,” says Hera drawing their attention to the issue at hand, “So, let’s put that to rest.”

“Ok, darlin, you help us out on a job. We’ll tell Elan that in exchange for his life, he gives me the information he’s going to sell you, and then when the jobs over you get it. How’s that sound?” asks Janus. 

“Can’t we just buy the information from you?” asks Hera.

“No, all or nothing.”

“What’s the job?” asks Hera.

“Oh, I think you rebels are going to like it. We’re stealing from the Empire,” says Janus. 

Hera looks to Kanan, who shakes his head no but says, “You should have led with that.”

They are given a cabin on the ship for the night. Hera can only assume because Janus doesn’t believe Kanan will come back if they are allowed to leave. Janus is right, of course. Janus and his crew are pretty drunk, and so is Kanan. The night before a mission.

“A word, kid,” says Janus after showing them to their cabin. Janus nods goodnight to Hera. 

Kanan actually looks relieved, most likely because he’s dreading talking to her one on one after all the druk he pulled today. He says, “Stop calling me, kid.”

Kanan nods and walks into the hall with Janus. Hera moves closer to the door, just in case something happens. Kanan has a short temper after all, and she almost believes herself. 

“I see you’re carrying that thing again,” says Janus. Kanan says nothing, but Hera can imagine the shrug that accompanies his silence. Janus continues, “I told you that carrying that thing would draw unwanted attention to you. It took months to break you of carrying it.”

“I keep it in pieces,” defends Kanan.

“Yeah, and no one could see what it is because it is in two pieces?”

“Just in case.”

“Just in case?” asks Janus.

“You never know.”

“Suppose, not. But I told you before, you walk around looking like a monk, and people will notice you.”

“I’m not a monk.”

“Right, the girl. Pretty thing.”

“She’s not a thing,” growls Kanan.

“I meant no offense. But that girl is going to put you on a collision course with the Empire, Caleb—”

“Kanan,” states Kanan, “My name is Kanan. That kid died with Depa Billaba. He wasn’t much, to begin with. And don’t blame Hera, you’re the one putting me on a collision course with the Empire, wanting us to steal from them and all.”

“My job is temporary. That girl has a very specific goal in mind—”

“So, what, Janus? Should I leave Hera’s crew and come back to yours?”

“For the love of---no! I don’t want you on this ship any longer than it is convenient for me. You’re a danger to yourself and others on a good day. On a bad one, you’re a magnet for all manner of trouble. I have half a mind to warn that girl, but then I might be stuck with you, and there is no kriffing way you’re coming back on my ship for more than a night.”

Kanan laughs but says nothing. 

“When you left, you left because you thought you were protecting me, but you were really protecting yourself from loss. How are you going to handle losing—”

Hera startles at the noise; there was the distinctive noise of someone being hit and pinned to the other side of the door. There is silence now. Kanan in a very low voice, “Are you threatening her, Janus?”

“Not my intention, Kanan,” Janus’s voice is rough, like someone, Kanan, was choking him. “But you’re not that scared kid anymore. The one starving on the streets, hiding from clones. You’re not naïve; you know how this is going to end.”

Janus is released from the door. Kanan mumbles, “My master would be disappointed.”

“Maybe, I didn’t really know your General,” says Janus, “But I like her for what it is worth, she seems like she might be as crazy as you.”

Hera doesn’t wait for Kanan’s response. Instead, she gets into the cot and turns to face the wall. Kanan enters the room and sits next to her on the cot. He takes off his boots and shoulder armor. He lays down next to her and says, “I know you’re awake.”

Hera doesn’t respond.

“I know you were listening,” continues Kanan.

Still, Hera refuses to say anything, not the most mature response, but it is superior to having to fight in front of Kanan’s smuggler friends. Kanan leans on his right arm and looks over her to see her face, which she is keeping toward the wall. Kanan places his left on her hip and says, “I don’t want to fight. I just wanted to say, I’m sorry about your mother.”

That hurts. “I’m sorry you lost your master,” says Hera, but she adds in a whisper, “and everything else.”

“It wasn’t the same. She wasn’t my mother.” Kanan says nothing else, and they lay there in silence. 

“Kanan, who is Caleb?”

Kanan doesn’t answer her for a few minutes. Finally, he says, “Hera, I’ll answer any of your questions when you’re back on your ship, but not here. You just have to trust me for a little while longer. I’ll get you out of this with the rebels’ information.”

“You expect me to trust a man whose name, I don’t know?” hisses Hera.

“You know my name.” Hera doesn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, she pulls away from him; his hand falls off her hip. Kanan sighs, but it doesn’t feel like he’s moved away from her. Kanan asks, “Do you want me to sleep on the floor?” 

Hera rolls her eyes, still facing the wall as if they haven’t been sleeping together, sometimes just sharing a bed for the better part of ten months. Kanan shifts away from her and climbs off the cot. 

Hera moves to face him, asking, “Where are you going?”

“I’m not going to share your bed unless you want me to. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Hera’s eyes narrow. No, he’s not doing this, she thinks; he’s not going to trick her into begging him to stay with her. Kanan lays on the floor next to the cot, and Hera imagines neither of them sleep that night. 

Come morning, Kanan looks as tired as Hera feels. Kanan rises from the floor and cracks his back. He looks at Hera and asks, “Still not going to talk to me?”

“What do we need to talk about?” 

“Just want to make sure you’re not going to give me the silent treatment with Janus and his crew.”

They spend the day getting up to date on the plan. Elan is also released after he provides Janus with the Imperial access codes. 

“I hate to be a pessimist, but what if Janus doesn’t make it on this adventure?” asks Kanan. Hera can’t help but think Kanan is right. 

Jondo says, “Don’t worry, you’ll get what you want after the mission is completed.”

“See, that isn’t reassuring at all,” says Kanan.

“Let’s focus on the plan and get to it,” says Jondo. 

Jondo lays out the plan, which amounts to little more than a smash and grab in Hera’s opinion. Hera isn’t impressed by the plan, but it also sounds like something Kanan would put together, but with less finesse. She can’t tell if Kanan came by strategy naturally, or if he leaned it from Janus or Jondo or maybe the Jedi. None of these options are good. 

“No,” declares Kanan. 

“What do you mean, no?” demands Jondo.

“I mean no, that isn’t going to work. It is going to put me at unnecessary risk, which you know is the important thing. Attacking an Imperial facility is unnecessary. Why not pick it up in transit?”

“You want to rob a hovertrain in a major city of supplies while it is delivering unto the Empire?” asks Jondo. Hera can’t believe it.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to do.”

“The Kasmiri isn’t going to be able to get close enough to the train,” points out Janus, “If we’re entertaining this.”

“The Phantom can,” notes Hera. 

“The what?” asks Janus. 

“My jump ship. It is small and easy to maneuver, but I’ll fly it.”

“So, we send tweedled dee and dumb here,” says Kanan gesturing to Dex and Fontus, “and dim and dimmer,” the other two members of Janus’ crew, “aboard the hovertrain like usual. They can let us know if the intel was right and in which car the supplies are. After that is confirmed, Hera drops me and you two,” gesturing to Jondo and Janus, “on the hovertrain car.”

“How do you propose we get the supplies off the train?” asks Jondo. Hera can hear his skepticism in his voice. 

“Thought, we’d toss them out the window,” says Kanan with a grin.

“I forgot how much I hate you,” says Jondo. But make no mistake, Kanan has taken over planning this mission, and he’s doing it by the seat of his pants, which usually means it will work, as frustrating as that is. 

“Did this guy just suggest we rob a hovertrain full of stormtroopers in the middle of the day?” asks Dex.

“You get used to it,” says Hera, putting her hand on Dex’s shoulder as she stands up. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” asks Dex.

“I’m going to get the Phantom. I’m assuming you don’t want Kanan to go get it?”

“Dex and Fontus will escort you to get your ship,” says Janus. 

“That isn’t necessary,” says Kanan, “Hera can get the ship on her own, or I’ll go with her.”

“Maybe you should just go, and Captain Syndulla can stay here?” asks Jondo. Kanan’s jaw twitches. 

“Have you seen him fly?” asks Hera, “I’d like to keep my ship in one piece. But I don’t need an escort.” 

As Hera leaves the Kasmiri, she hears Janus say, “Well, if she doesn’t come back, you can’t have your old bunk.”

A few hours later, Hera is waiting on the Phantom. She waiting on the Phantom while Kanan is with Janus and Jondo. She’s just waiting for the signal for her to pick up the supplies and the smugglers, including her smuggler. He isn’t really hers, but someone has to take responsibility for him. 

“Phantom, come in,” says Kanan over the Hera’s commlink.

“Copy,” replies Hera.

“Sending you the coordinates now.”

“How are things going?” asks Hera. 

“Oh, you know. They go,” replies Kanan. Great sounds like a disaster.

“Be there in a few. Be ready,” says Hera. Hera should be able to fly right under the train, but it will be tight. The network of sonic dampeners are pretty close together. She can do it though, she’s had closer calls. 

“On three, Phantom,” says Kanan over the commlink. “One, two, vape!” Kanan is cut off by a series of blaster shots. Hera can see them from her position. 

“What’s going on!?” shouts Hera into her commlink.

“Get in position, Phantom. I’m dropping the supplies and the others,” says Kanan. Hera drops the Phantom and spins, pointing the cockpit of the Phantom toward the ground, while Chop opens the cargo doors. Hera hears the explosions and feels debris hitting the top of the Phantom. If Kanan scratches the Phantom, he’s going to fix it. 

“How are we looking, Chop?” asks Hera.

“[Supplies, five smugglers. Meat sack is late, again.]”

“Where are the other two men?” asks Hera.

Janus replies, “Fontus is dead, and the kid, well he’s about to be.”

Hera orders them, “Store the supplies, and strap in.”

“Strap in for what?” yells Jondo.

Hera pivots the Phantom and sees Kanan running along the top of the hovertrain. Idiot, she thinks, as he jumps the next sonic dampener. He must not be that worried though, he hasn’t done anything distinctly Jedi like yet, and his lightsaber is still on his belt. 

Two stormtroopers are following Kanan on the top of the hovertrain, and not doing as good a job as Kanan. It is absolute chaos with Kanan clearing sonic dampeners and dodging blaster shots. Kanan, of course, looks like he’s enjoying himself, moving to some harmony no one else can hear. He always enjoys the chaos too much for Hera’s comfort. 

“That kid is crazy,” says Janus. Both Janus and Jondo have come into the cockpit. 

“What do you think his plan is?” asks Jondo. 

“Probably, something daring and stupid,” replies Hera with a shrug. Hera can feel Jondo and Janus’ eyes on her. As she says it, Kanan takes a blast to his left shoulder, knocking him off balance. He falls from the top of the hovertrain. 

Hera can’t breathe. She throws the throttle forward and swoops toward Kanan. Jondo and Janus start to swear as they are tossed around the cockpit. Kanan lands with a crash on the top of the Phantom. Yep, he’s definitely fixing the Phantom, thinks Hera. 

“Can you get in the cargo?” yells Hera into her commlink.

No answer. Oh, vape. She can’t hear Kanan moving around on the top of the Phantom. 

“I’m going to put her down close to the Kasmiri,” says Hera to Jondo and Janus. 

Once Hera lands, Janus’ three crewmen unload the supplies, while Hera begins to climb the side of the Phantom to find Kanan. However, Kanan swings himself off the top of the Phantom and onto his feet. His shoulder looks wrecked; specifically, it looks dislocated. 

“Aww, you look worried,” says Kanan. Hera jumps off the side of her ship and punches Kanan in the other shoulder. 

“Just like me and my wife,” says Jondo. 

“Shut-up!” both Kanan and Hera yell at him. Then they turn on each other. Kanan defends his actions, while Hera rants about his reckless and dangerous actions. 

“As much fun as this is,” says Janus, “We’ll be leaving.” He tosses Kanan a small pouch, which Kanan catches with his good arm, and Janus holds up a small datapad. “I’ve sent you the access codes you were looking for. Stressful as always, kid, and a pleasure to meet you, Captain Hera Syndulla.” Janus kisses the back of Hera’s hand, gives them both a salute, and turns toward his ship. Jondo puts Kanan’s shoulder back into place.

“Let’s try never to meet again,” says Jondo to Kanan.

“Promises, promises, Jondo.”

Hera is just relieved to get back to the ship in one piece. They were successful. She got Fulcrum the information they needed. Kanan even got paid by Janus. But Hera doesn’t feel like this is a win. Kanan came dangerously close, and if Hera hadn’t acted. She doesn’t want to think about it. Of course, then there is the realization that she doesn’t really know this man she’s gallivanting around the galaxy with, that she’s sleeping with. 

When they get back to the ship, Hera heads to the cockpit to get the hell off this planet and draft her report to Fulcrum. The first is easy. The second, well, what is she supposed to say to Fulcrum? Sorry, I’m harboring a Jedi, which I haven’t disclosed, and we ran into some of his old compatriots who know who he is and blackmailed us. Hera decides to send the information to Fulcrum with an abbreviated report, a vague, abbreviated report. Hera knows it isn’t going to fly, and Fulcrum is going to ask questions. But right now, Hera just wants to be done with today. 

Hera heads to her cabin, but she hangs a left at the last minute and stands in front of Kanan’s door. She’s still mad at him. But she knows she isn’t going to sleep. They could spend a little more energy together, and both be more or less unconscious within the hour. 

Hera opens the door, and Kanan is standing in the middle of his room in shorts, rubbing a towel through his hair, his left shoulder starting to bruise. He doesn’t stop his movement when she opened the door, but he has turned toward her, asking, “Hera?”

She advances on him, grabbing his face, and kissing him soundly. Hera hears Kanan’s towel hit the floor, and the door closes. He’s damp; it isn’t unpleasant because heat from the refresher is coming off his skin. He doesn’t hesitate to respond to her. Hera is crushed to his body, and she doesn’t mind. 

Kanan pulls back and says, “Thank the Force. You want to.”

“I want to what?” Hera can’t breathe. She pulls back from Kanan, and he immediately releases her from his grasp.

“I was asking if you’re sure you want to.”

“That’s not what you said.”

Kanan looks confused, sighs, and says, “You’re still mad. I understand.”

“That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is this?” asks Kanan. Hera wraps her arms around herself, stepping away from him. She doesn’t know how to respond because he’s going to be angry, regardless. “Hera, you’re afraid of something.” He takes a step toward her, and Hera can’t help it; she recoils. “Me, you’re afraid of me.”

“You can just---the Jedi, they can—” Hera is stumbling over her words, “You can—You told me to.”

Kanan doesn’t seem to follow, but Hera doesn’t have the words for this. Then Kanan’s facial expression darkens, and he says, “Hera, what are you accusing me of?”

“Nothing. But you can control people’s minds. Have yo---”

Kanan grabs her biceps and says, “I have never made you do anything you didn’t want to do. It isn’t mind control.”

“How do I know?”

“The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded [2]. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re afraid.”

“Well, that is scary, Kanan. So, you’ve never used that on me?”

“Of course, not.” Kanan looks offended as if he doesn’t use that mind trick on people regularly. “Anything you’ve done, you’ve chosen to do. I wouldn’t do that to you. You have my word.”

“The word of a smuggler and a liar. I don’t know you well enough to take your word.”

“You know me well enough to fuck me when you feel like it. Then, again maybe you’re just a—” Kanan stops himself from saying anything else, but Hera knows what he was going to say. She slaps him and immediately thinks about the things she’s seen Kanan do with the Force, and that’s he’s armed, and she isn’t. He has a lightsaber somewhere in here. 

Kanan releases her and steps back, demanding, “Get out.” Kanan looks away from her and says, “And, I’m telling you to leave, not manipulating you.”

“This is my ship.”

“And this is my cabin, Captain.” They stand there staring at each other, and Kanan finally says, “Fine, I’ll leave.” He moves to pass her, but Hera beats him to the door and into her cabin. 

Two days pass before she actually sees Kanan again. They are both avoiding each other. Kanan has modified his sleep schedule to be the opposite of hers. If he’s sleeping at all. He seems to be moving around his cabin at all times. Her father once told her about his time being held as a dissident, and Hera can’t help but wonder if Kanan feels Ghost is a prison. He handles all of his responsibilities on the ship after Hera goes to bed in the evening. Finally, the third morning, Kanan is sitting in the common room with caf. 

Hera’s stride falters; she’s gotten used to them avoiding each other.

“I’ll get off at the next stop,” says Kanan.

Hera nods, but she’s panicking on the inside. Kanan flinches. 

Chopper lets loose a string of noises, demanding, “[Stop the meat sack! Male meat sack’s programming is superior. Must program missions].”

“Traitor,” mumbles Hera. 

“Sounds like someone is happy I’m going,” says Kanan. 

“You should have learned binary by now.”

“No point, really,” says Kanan. Kanan sits, and Hera stands in silence, looking anywhere but the other person. “So, when and where is the next stop?”

“It wasn’t going to be for another few days, but we—I can make an earlier stop. Lothal isn’t far from here.”

“Good, sounds good,” says Kanan, in what Hera is starting to think of as Kanan’s detached Jedi voice. But what is she supposed to do? Beg him to stay? If he wants to go, he should go. 

“I’ll get your credits.”

“My credits?” asks Kanan.

“Your pay. You work on Ghost, you’re crew, you get paid.”

“Janus paid me. Keep the rest.”

“I have to insist, especially if you’re going to try to start over on Lothal.”

“I won’t stay on Lothal,” says Kanan. Of course, he won’t. She’ll leave him on Lothal; he’ll hope on the next freighter off the planet, and she’ll never see him again. She’ll never see him again. 

“Right, well, whatever you think is best.”

Kanan nods, “It is.” He hesitates, but then says, “For both of us.”

Hera starts to nod, but stops because all she can think of is what Janus said about Kanan leaving to protect himself, but convincing himself, that it was to protect Janus. Hera gives a fake laugh instead, turns from Kanan, and heads to the galley, saying, “Kanan, if you want to go, don’t let the cargo bay door hit you on the way out, but don’t pretend this is about me.”

Hera doesn’t look, but she can hear Kanan get up, presumably back to his cabin to ignore her until it is time for him to leave. 

“How could this be about anything but you?” asks Kanan leaning against the door of the galley.

Hera gives an exaggerated eye-roll, “Like h--”

“You shouldn’t have to be afraid on your own ship, and you’re afraid of me,” says Kanan. Hera opens her mouth to object, but Kanan cuts her off, “I can feel it through the Force.”

“You’re being ridiculous, if you want to go, then go. I don’t care, but I’m not afraid of you. You’re not that good as a Jedi.”

Kanan smirks and says, “I’m a pretty good Jedi.” But then his tone changes, “I felt your fear the other night, and I felt it just now in the common room.”

“The other night, I was confused. I don’t understand how all the Jedi stuff works. As for just now, I’m—”

“You’re what, that was fear, I know what it feels like.”

“I’m afraid of what will happen to you if you leave,” Hera stammers. 

Kanan sigh and says, “Now, you’re lying.”

“So, you can read minds?”

“No, I can feel you through the Force.”

“So, you can just feel anyone through it?”

“No, I can feel you…”

“And not others?”

“Not anymore. I’ve neglected my training,” says Kanan. They’ve walked closer to each other throughout this conversation.

“What makes me special then?”

“I’m close to you,” Kanan’s so close, he just whispers, and she can hear him clear as day. Kanan doesn’t say it, but Hera knows what that means to him. He’s attached to her. 

“So, that’s it. You’re attached, so you need to leave?” asks Hera. Kanan looks away from her. Hera continues, “Then that is what this is. You’re leaving for you. Not for me. I’m not going to be your excuse.”

Hera turns her back on him and starts to make her caf. She feels him come up behind her. Kanan reaches over her and gets her a cup. He so close; she feels herself flush. Kanan sighs, “You’re right. I’m not a very good Jedi.”

Kanan’s hands drop to her waist, and he spins her to him. Then he’s kissing her. She responds and reaches up on her toes for more access. Kanan pushes the cup of caf away from her on the counter and lifts her onto it. 

He has his face buried into her neck when he stops and pulls back. Kanan asks, “Are you…what do…What do you want me to do?”

“I---” Hera doesn’t know what to say. She wants him to stay, but the rebellion has to come first, and she really doesn’t know anything about him. “I want things to stay how they are.”

Kanan nods and repeats, “How they are.” 

He’s kissing her again. Hera pulls back this time, and Kanan sighs deeply, so someone is as frustrated as she is. Hera says, “We have to trust each other, Kanan. You have to trust me.”

“I do, trust you,” says Kanan, his knuckles white as he grips the counter.

“You don’t. You said you’d answer my questions…” Hera trails off. 

Kanan presses his forehead to hers and gives a slight nod, then mumbles, “And, I need to do that now.”

“Just one. Who are you?”

“Oh, good, an easy one,” jokes Kanan. Kanan takes half a step back, clearly debating what he’s going to say here. 

Hera starts to undo her flight suit, which gives her Kanan’s undivided attention. Kanan watches as Hera slowly undresses. Kanan says, “My name is Kanan Jarrus.”

Hera closes her eyes and pushes Kanan further back as she gets off the counter. Kanan grabs her waist, pinning her to the counter. “I’ve been Kanan Jarrus for eight years. In those eight years, I put as much distance between me and the Jedi as I could. Janus and Jondo, they are the only people who know I was a Jedi, besides you. Kanan Jarrus was a smuggler, a miner, a bartender, and a drunk, to name a few of my finer qualities. He was always under the radar. He doesn’t stand out, and he leaves. Before that, my name was Caleb Dume, a Jedi Padawan, who had a handful of missions before---And now, I’m not sure who I am.”

“You are a good man, Kanan Jarrus, even if you named yourself after a smuggler.”

Kanan laughs, “I didn’t name myself after Janus.”

“Just a coincidence, your names sound kind of similar.”

“Must be,” says Kanan, “I’m not a good man, and I’m not a Jedi anymore, or a hero, and I’m not part of your rebellion.”

“Ok, so you’re not a Jedi, and you’re an alright man,” says Hera, running her hand up to his arm slowly, “And you’re a rebel accomplice, occasionally.” Her fingers thread into his hair, under the tie when she gets to the word accomplice. “Do you want me to call you—” She trails off because she doesn’t think he would want her to call him Caleb, but she wants to ask anyway. 

“I want you to call me Kanan Jarrus. Caleb Dume died with his Master a long time ago. I don’t even know him anymore.”

“I like Kanan Jarrus,” says Hera, wrapping her arms around his neck, and with a wink, “He isn’t so bad for an irresponsible rogue.”

“Oh, I see how it is. What else?” asks Kanan.

“That’s good for now. Just tell me when I need to know things. No more surprise, Jedi druk,” says Hera. Kanan grins and moves back to kiss her, but Hera grips his hair tightly, refusing to let him. She says, “And Kanan, if you ever use your weird Jedi powers on me, I’ll make you regret it.”

“Understood, Captain.”

[1] Insult typically used when referring to Twi’lek women, slut.  
[2] Vape is a word for damn.  
[2] Obi-Wan Kenobi, A New Hope


	5. Death, yet the Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naturally, a run of the mill mission from Fulcrum goes off the rails, and Hera finally gets to see Kanan’s lightsaber, the real one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Sorry for the delay. Comment, correct, provide feedback. Thanks!

Years later, Hera knows this was a joke, and not just because it becomes more and more ridiculous, but the first time Kanan does it, she has a mild stroke. Kanan places a pair of leather flight glove in front of Hera during breakfast. Hera picks them up, turning them over and asks, “Kanan, do you want to tell me what happened to the laundry?”

Kanan laughs, “Nothing, I promise. But—it is our anniversary, and I thought---” Kanan realizes something is wrong, “I’m kidding. Kidding. Breathe, Hera. Yours are worn out, and I figured you could use a new pair. It is entirely a coincidence that we’ve been flying together for a year.”

Hera replies, “I knew you were joking.”

“I could tell by the color draining from your face,” smirks Kanan. 

“Well, what did you get Chop? You’ve been flying with us for a year after all.”

“A new personality.”

“Don’t put your hands on my droid,” warns Hera, standing from the common room table.

“I’ll put my hands wherever you tell me to.”

Hera giggles, “I just walked into that, didn’t I?”

“You did, sweetheart.” Hera hears Kanan laugh on her way to the cockpit. She needs to check in with Fulcrum and determine the next steps for the Belladoon job. 

An hour later, Hera is done flirting with Kanan and back to arguing with him. 

“So, you’re sure Fulcrum is going to meet us after this mission?” asks Kanan.

“That’s what he said,” replies Hera. Kanan’s skepticism about Fulcrum’s identity is bordering on paranoia. 

“And all he wants is for us to go to an Empire loyalist world, pick someone up, and drop this person on Jedha?”

“Pretty much.”

“Good, definitely doesn’t sound like a trap.” Hera doesn’t tell Kanan the warning Fulcrum gave her about their client. Fulcrum said he needed Hera to help this man, but that this man has been untrustworthy in the past with the best of intentions. Fulcrum stressed to keep an eye on him, and Hera presumes she is only getting part of the story. 

“Kanan, we’re going. You can stay on the ship…”

“Because that goes so well,” sighs Kanan. He has a point. Kanan as crew is useful, and he makes these opps safer. Hera and the rebellion interact with a lot of shady characters, most of whom Kanan gets on with famously. 

“Kanan, I’m asking you to come, and more importantly, to shut up,” says Hera. Kanan snaps his mouth shut. Hera doesn’t know if it is because she asked him or because she pulled rank. Either way, if it works, it works. 

She also knows Kanan is nearly desperate to meet Fulcrum. He hasn’t even spoken to Fulcrum yet, and Hera hasn’t disclosed a lot about Kanan to Fulcrum, either. Actually, Hera didn’t mention him at all until after they started regularly sleeping together, and then she presented their relationship as that. He is just some guy looking for a ride off a hole in the galaxy who is attractive. The missions are need to know, and he doesn’t need to know because he won’t be staying long. 

However, Fulcrum isn’t sold, which makes Hera nervous. Fulcrum flat out asked about Kanan’s involvement in the missions since he has stayed so long on the Ghost, and Hera doesn’t know how to dissuade Fulcrum’s interest in Kanan. Kanan is not aware of Fulcrum’s interest in him, nor will he ever know as long as Hera can help it. 

“Alright, tell me when we get there and what the plan for pick up is.”

“Look on the bright side, Kanan. This is a legit job. The pick-up is paying. Fulcrum has just asked for a favor. This is as little rebellion activity as we’re ever going to get.”

“I always forget you’re an optimist,” says Kanan with a smile as he exits the cockpit. 

Belladoon is Outer Rim, but trying really hard not to be. Kanan is sitting at the bar, nursing a drink while Hera is waiting for the client. Hera can read the tension in Kanan from across the cantina, and briefly, Hera wonders if that is Kanan’s powers he’s projecting, or if she is so in tune with his moods, or if he is just so miserable no one can miss it. Also, the pro-Empire atmosphere is working her last nerve so she can only imagine what Kanan is thinking. He’s tapping his fingers anxiously on the bar and ignoring a Twi’lek girl, pressing against his left arm. She’s dressed, well Hera would never tell someone how to dress, but that outfit indicates her profession. 

Hera can’t help but wonder if Kanan would take that girl up on her offer if they weren’t working or sleeping together. Or maybe he’d outright reject her if Hera wasn’t sitting over here. The girl gets bored trying to entice Kanan and turns her attention to another humanoid at the bar. When she turns, Hera can see how young the girl is. Kanan reaches out and puts something in the girl’s hand on the bar. She looks at whatever it and then back at Kanan. Kanan says something to the girl and nods his head toward the door. 

Hera makes eye contact with Kanan, if he thinks he’s leaving this cantina to hook up with a sex worker, Hera’s going to lose her vaping mind. The girl leaves, and a tall humanoid enters the cantina. Kanan doesn’t leave the bar. 

Hera has two drinks in front of her, neither she paid for. Males just keep sending them over, and her contact is late. Kanan is going to be hopelessly smug if the client doesn’t show. He keeps glancing her way, but she’s giving him their sign for hold. Her left lekku over her shoulder curled to the right. 

“Heavy drinker?” asks the tall attractive human in a well-tailored suit with an Imperial pin on his lapel who passed the Twi’lek on his way in. He has short hair, darker than Kanan’s. Hera would put his age a little older than Kanan. Not that she is measuring this man against Kanan. 

“Afraid not. I’m meeting someone,” replies Hera with an eye roll. She wills this man to leave. 

“What a coincidence, so am I, Captain Syndulla, I presume?” Hera is a little taken back. She nods and glances toward Kanan. This man continues, “Oh, should give you the phrase, I just know what I’m good at [1].” He adds a wink and continues, “Should we call your friend over?” 

Hera’s head snaps back to this man, and it doesn’t matter because Kanan is already moving to their table. He used the right code phrase, I just know what I’m good at, which Hera didn’t question Fulcrum on, but it is an odd phrase. 

The man sits across from Hera, while Kanan slides into the seat next to her, and drapes his arm across the back of her chair. 

“Who are you?” asks Kanan.

“Oh, yes. Forgive me. Lux Bonteri, former Senator of Onderon,” states Bonteri with confidence and self-assurance that Hera wants to kick herself for finding attractive. 

Kanan tenses. Hera looks at him. He can’t be jealous, can he? And why is that a pleasing thought, wonders Hera. Kanan’s aloofness is a blessing and a curse. 

The silence goes on for a moment too long, when Hera realizes, Bonteri is waiting for her to say something, not Kanan, and Kanan has no intention of saying anything anyway. Hera smiles, “Pleasure to meet you, Senator Bonteri. I’m Captain Syndulla, and this is Kanan Jarrus.” Hera shakes Bonteri’s hand, and then he gestures to shake Kanan’s, but Kanan keeps his hands on the table. 

“Please, Captain, call me Lux.”

“Ok. You can call me, Hera, everyone does,” rambles Hera. She feels very foolish. 

To Hera’s surprise, Kanan asks, “Shouldn’t we get going?”

Hera nods, but Lux says, “Of course, tell me where to meet you. I have to pick—something up. And we can be on our way.”

Hera looks to Kanan. Hera hesitates, but Kanan says, “We’re just outside the city, two clicks south of here. The Ghost is a VCX-100 light freighter. You can’t miss it. Oh, and our droid is a dick. You’ll know you found us when you meet him. Don’t be too long.”

Lux looks a bit taken back with Kanan’s shift in mood, but says, “Excellent.” Lux hands a pouch to Hera, saying, “Half the payment upfront, and the remainder upon arrival, sound good?”

“That isn’t necessary,” says Hera, who is still looking at Kanan. Kanan finishes the drink he brought over and downs one someone sent Hera before she can stop him. She’ll have to remind him not to drink things strangers give you. He reaches for the second untouched drink, but Hera grabs his wrist, saying, “Let’s go ready the ship.”

Kanan nods but makes no move to get up. When Hera stands, both Lux and Kanan stand, towering over her a bit. It is all very awkward, and Hera can’t help but think that this is more than jealousy. Kanan knows something about Lux Bonteri. 

Lux bids them goodbye, and Hera turns on Kanan, hissing, “What the kriff was that?”

Kanan looks at her passively and downs her second drink, but says nothing. 

“I hope one of those was laced with something.”

“Trying to get lucky?” asks Kanan. 

“Sometimes, I really hate you, and if you wanted to get lucky, you should have left with the girl from the bar.”

“That wasn’t what you think. She was a child. You like him, though,” mumbles Kanan.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” replies Hera moving to exit the cantina; Kanan on her heels. “Please, tell me all that wasn’t because you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous, but I’m not impressed either. That guy is dangerous.”

Hera stops abruptly, and Kanan walks into her back. Hera turns to him and asks, “How do you know that?”

Kanan shrugs and says, “I know…” then he stops and asks, “Your question implies you know he’s dangerous.” Hera’s mouth snaps shut and turns away from Kanan, heading to the ship. Kanan grabs her arm, spinning her to him, and says, “You know something, and you didn’t tell me.”

“You’ve been opposed to everything about this, but I wasn’t hiding it. Fulcrum implied Lux—Bonteri doesn’t always give the whole story, and sometimes that can be dangerous, but that Bonteri is a friend of the rebellion.”

Kanan stares passively at her and asks, “Fulcrum said friend of the rebellion?”

“Yes, he did. Do you know him?” asks Hera, but Kanan passes her to continue to the ship. “Kanan?”

“I never met the man. But I heard about him. At the temple, they said he kidnapped a Padawan.”

Hera is shocked. She knows the rebellion takes all sorts, but someone who would kidnap a Jedi youngling? Hera asks, “Do you—” Kanan is still walking, Hera grabs his hand, “Kanan, if you think this man is a danger to you, I’ll tell him and Fulcrum we can’t do this job.”

“No reason to think he’s dangerous to me. I’m not a teenage girl.”

“Kanan,” Hera stops walking, keeping hold of Kanan’s hand, “What does that mean? What are you implying?” Hera will not endure predators on her ship. 

Kanan seems to realize that Hera’s mind is spinning and says, “No, he didn’t hurt Padawan Tano. At least as far as I know. There was a rumor was they might have been—” he trails off, “But he didn’t hurt her. Just put her in a dangerous situation with a terrorist group.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart; I’ll handle Bonteri.” Not comforting thinks Hera, but she doesn’t comment. 

Lux Bonteri doesn’t rush to the Ghost. Kanan is in his cabin, but he’s not meditating, he’s pacing back and forth. Chop whizzes, “[Two organics approaching the Ghost].”

“Finally,” sighs Hera. She exits the cockpit, and Kanan is already in the corridor. That is still weird. 

Kanan says, “He brought someone with him.”

“So, Chop said.”

“I don’t like it. That’s not what we agreed to with Fulcrum.”

“That’s not what I agreed to with Fulcrum. I’m sure it is fine. Relax, Kanan,” says Hera. Kanan looks like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t get the chance because Lux and a young woman come on board. She does not look pleased to be here, great, an angry teenage girl. Just what Hera wants on her ship.

“Captain Syndulla, Hera, this is my goddaughter, Maia. Maia, Captain Syndulla, and Kanan Jarrus,” Lux introduces everyone with a casual tone, but he keeps a hold on the girl’s arm. 

Kanan looks at Hera and asks, “Where are we putting her? We only have the one free cabin.”

That’s true. It took forever to free up the one cabin next to Kanan. The cabin next to Hera’s has been packed since Hera took possession of the ship, mostly with things Aunt Alema thought Hera might need. 

“You never know what could happen in space, far from home, Hera,” Aunt Alema said while helping Hera pack. “Especially, because you won’t be able to call on home for help. With your father, you never know if…” Aunt Alema trailed off at the end. Hera knows what she meant. The subtext is clear: Cham isn’t going to come for you, either because he will be dealing with Free Ryloth, imprisoned, dead, or just refuse because he’s opposed to what you’re doing. And if Cham is coming, then no one is. 

“I’m going to be fine. Alema, I promise.”

“Get a good crew, and don’t fall for any boys.” Aunt Alema always told Hera the things she wasn’t supposed to know. 

“Hera?” asks Kanan. She shakes her; she can’t afford to get lost in memories right now. Kanan continues, “Well, there are two bunks in the room Senator Bonteri has been assigned—”

Maia cuts Kanan off, “No. I won’t stay with an Imperialist.”

Kanan sighs and looks at Hera. Hera says, “We’ll clear out Kanan’s room.” She’s looking at Kanan for approval, and he nods. 

Lux says, “That won’t be necessary---”

Kanan interjects, “We’re not going to make a teenage girl stay with a man she doesn’t want to. But while we’re on the subject, why are you two traveling together?”

“What are you implying? What did your contact tell you?” asks Lux, sounding quite offended.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Kanan,” begins Hera.

“Doesn’t matter?” asks Lux in disbelief.

“Not to me. Why are you taking a girl anywhere against her will?” Kanan asks a second time, moving his hand toward his blaster. 

“It’s fine. He’s my godfather. I wasn’t supposed to be here. He came to rescue me in his own way,” says Maia, seemingly getting that things could take a turn.

Their guests come aboard, and Hera offers to show them around and give them a run-down of their trip, but she whispers to Kanan, “Put whatever you need to in my cabin. It will be open.” Kanan nods his understanding. 

While Hera gives their guests the tour of the Ghost, Kanan packs his belongs of interest and tosses them into Hera’s room. He also preps his room for someone else. When Hera gets to it on the tour, it appears completely vacant and ready for occupation. 

Maia steps inside and asks, “Where’s that man staying?”

“Somewhere else,” replies Hera. 

“Yeah, I bet,” smirks Maia, and Kanan’s cabin door whooshes closed. Maia, a typical teenage girl, confines herself to Kanan’s cabin.

“Charming,” says Hera.

“Maia, she’s had a rough go of it. Her parents were killed by the Empire.”

“And yet, you’re wearing an Imperial pin,” replies Hera, turning and heading toward the common room.

“I am. Better they think you’re on their side,” says Lux following her down the corridor. 

Hera considers this. Lux, of course, has a point; he might be able to stay off the Empire’s radar. On the other hand, he isn’t helping overthrow the corrupt system, “Better for who, Senator?”

Lux grabs Hera’s wrist and says, “I’m of better use being one of them.” Hera looks between his face and his hand on her wrist. He sighs and releases Hera, saying, “At least according to our friend.” Luz stands a little straighter and says, “I’m not so bad.” [2]

“I suppose not, Senator.”

“We’re back to Senator, I was hoping to call you Hera,” smiles Lux.

“Of course, Lux.”

“Excellent, join me for a caf?” asks Lux, and Hera is immediately suspicious but sits at the table. Hera nods, and Lux sets about making two cafs for them. As he sits down, passing her a caf, he asks, “So, Captain Hera. Tell me, what brought us together?” 

“Fate?” suggests Hera. 

Lux grins, “Must be.”

“And your friend,” says Hera. Could Lux be Fulcrum or know him?

“Well, I suspect you, and I weren’t brought together directly by my friend, but instead acquaintances who remember my friend.”

“So, what happened to your friend?” asks Hera, sipping her caf.

“I don’t know. She disappeared a long time ago, but I like to think she’s out there somewhere. But she was involved with the Republic. She was special.”

“Sounds like you cared for her a great deal.”

“She was always good in a pinch, too. Got me out of some bad situations.”

“Does that happen to you a lot?” asks Hera.

Lux leans toward her and says, “Being rescued by beautiful women?”

“Bad situations,” smirks Hera.

“Less and less with age,” he sounds proud. Lux tilts his head as if he’s weighing his next statement and says, “Your man, Kanan, reminds me of her.”

“He’ll be flattered he reminds you of a beautiful woman,” jokes Hera trying to shift the conversation away from Kanan.

Lux smiles at Hera but looks away. Then he says, “She used to carry herself in a similar way to your friend.”

“A drunken shuffle?” asks Hera. 

Lux just laughs, “No, I don’t know if she was ever drunk. She moved with grace, though. She could jump higher and further than a normal person. She also carried a cylinder, not unlike the one, Kanan was stuffing in a bag when he was clearing out his room.”

Hera feels the color drain from her face, but says in a steady voice, “I don’t know what you’re alluding to.”

“Perhaps not. That would be a shame. I can’t blame him though, keeping a low profile given everything,” considers Lux. “But if he were, what I think he is, I’m not going to say anything.”

Hera tries a different approach, “Ok if you think Kanan is capable of keeping a low profile, you’re sorely mistaken.” She stands from the table, “You’ll have to excuse me, I want to check the course and go to bed. The trip should be fairly short, only 47 hours.”

“Of course, enjoy your evening, Captain.”

After her rounds, course is confirmed, check; Chop is charging, check; passengers in their bunks, check; Hera heads to her room. She’s pretty sure Kanan is in there, but she didn’t check the cargo hold, and he has an odd sense of nobility sometimes. He might insist on sleeping there noting Hera didn’t say he could stay with her, just his Jedi belongings or because he doesn’t want their guests to get the wrong idea, or the right one as the case may be. She’s being silly. 

The door to her cabin whooshes open, and Hera steps through. The lights are dim, not off, casting everything in a yellow hue. Kanan is sitting up in her bed, shirtless because, of course, he is, reading a datapad. 

As she steps through, Kanan says, “Finally, I thought you’d never lose the Senator.”

“I had to entertain; he’s a client,” replies Hera as she begins to ready herself for bed, taking off her flight gloves and boots first. “He was telling me about the Jedi you mentioned, but he never used the word.” Kanan’s eyes narrow, but Hera persists, “He sounded quite fond of her.”

Kanan doesn’t reply just nods. Hera shakes her head, stops undressing to turn to him, and says, “I’m about to say something, and I don’t want you doing anything stupid. I know that is against your nature, but try for me—” Kanan’s face changes, it relaxes a bit into sincerity, and she regrets her choice of words. Hera clears her throat, “You know, to stay on this ship as crew.”

“As crew,” repeats Kanan, and Hera’s not sure who either are reminding.

“I think Bonteri knows you’re a Jed—” Kanan is up out of bed before she can finish her statement, and Hera grabs him to restrain him or tries to. They both end up on the floor wrestling around. 

“Hera, stop this,” growls Kanan, who Hera thinks Kanan isn’t actually fighting her. Hera, however, is giving this her all without resorting to punching him in the dick or throat. 

“Kanan, you can’t do anything. What would you even do?” asks Hera from her position pinned under Kanan, who has his left hand wrapped around her wrists, pinning them to the floor above her head. He has an unfair advantage with his height, reach, and body mass. It is also distracting to be under him like this when he’s nearly undressed.

“I’m going to stop Bonteri from talking.”

“How? You going to kill him?”

“If I have to. To protect you.”

Hera rolls her eyes and asks, “Me? How would killing him and a child, mind you because you can’t just kill him, protect me? They’d both still be on board.”

“Hera, harboring a Jedi is an execute on sight charge.” He whispers this. As if she doesn’t already know. It is an unwritten law from after the Jedi Purge. If you were found to have information about the Jedi, the clones weren’t taking prisoners. Turn over the Jedi or meet a Jedi’s fate. Hera tries not to give it too much thought before now. 

They’ve stopped wrestling, and Kanan has moved most of his weight off her and onto his forearms and legs. He let go of her wrists, and she brings her right hand down to Kanan’s left cheek. He turns his face into her hand, and Hera says, “Kanan, he has no evidence. He seems on our side. The rebellion’s side, anyway.”

“And if you’re wrong?”

“Lucky for us, I’m never wrong,” Hera replies with a smirk. Kanan moves to close the gap between them, but Hera stops him with, “We’re not having sex on the floor.”

Kanan huffs a breath across her neck and mumbles, “Woman, you’re killing me.”

“My bed is right there,” replies Hera gesturing to the bunk with her left hand. 

“You’re overdressed, anyway. And,” Kanan gives her a dramatic pause, “You haven’t heard my news.”

“You have news?”

“I do. Maia was very interested in telling me all about Senator Bonteri and this trip. Apparently, he stopped her from blowing up a factory on Belladoon.”

“What?” Hera asks in disbelief. That teenager is a child.

“I know. She ran away, joined up with some Inner Rim rebels, and decided that bombing a factory in the Outer Rim would be a good way to overthrow the Empire,” says Kanan.

“Sure, if you want to get yourself and others killed, but make no real difference.”

“To be young and idealistic. But wait, there’s more,” Kanan whispers this into Hera’s ear cone, making her shiver. He’s been running his hands over her unzipping and unfastening whatever his fingers came to. 

“More?” asks Hera in an embarrassingly breathy voice.

“Bonteri isn’t taking her home after all. He’s taking her to Saw Gerrera.” Hera puts her hands on Kanan’s shoulders and gives him a hard push backward; she struggles to free herself without any help from Kanan, not that she’s giving him the opportunity to help her. Kanan asks, “Where are you going?” Then he stammers, “Shit Hera, watch out.” She’s dangerously close to kicking him in the balls, but she does free herself and heads for the door. 

“I have to tell Fulcrum. Gerrera is dangerous, and if Bonteri has dealings with him. Bonteri might be an asset. We should take the girl to Fulcrum instead.”

“Hera, that isn’t your decision,” replies Kanan. They both look at each other. Hera can’t believe he’s trying to talk her out of sending a message, and Kanan looks as surprised by her desire to. 

Hera turns toward the door, but when she reaches to open it, her hand stops halfway, like something is holding it back. She looks over her shoulder at Kanan, who has his hand outstretched. Very slowly Kanan says, “Hera, you can’t---”

“No, Kanan. You can’t. No Jedi shit with me, remember?”

“You didn’t mind the other night,” snarks Kanan, clearly invoking a memory of a not Temple approved technique Kanan has shown her in this very room. Hera flushes. Kanan rubs his hands over his face, and she feels herself being let go as he says, “You can’t conscribe this girl into your army.”

Hera crosses her arms. She’s uncomfortable with Kanan’s observation. That isn’t what she was trying to do, but Gerrera is dangerous. It is dangerously close to what her Aunt Alema told her father when Hera was trying to leave for flight training. 

Kanan gets up off the floor, walking toward her, and sighs, “I’m sorry. I’ve upset you. I didn’t mean to use the Force. It just sometimes---sometimes I forget—and—” he’s rambling.

“It’s fine, Kanan.”

“It isn’t. I said I wouldn’t.”

“Just makes it all the more apparent, you’re completely dependent on me, or everyone would know you’re a Jedi,” joke Hera. She’s getting used to the Jedi powers. 

Kanan grins at her, lacing his fingers with hers, and suggests, “Come to bed, and let’s pretend today didn’t happen for a little while?”

“Depends, are you going to show me any more of those Force tricks?”

Kanan raises an eyebrow, pulls her close to him, and says, “I can’t tell if you’re really hot and bothered by the Force, or if you just like when I’m in control, or if you’re just using me for your selfish needs for the rebellion.”

“Oh, I’m definitely using you, but for your body,” laughs Hera. She runs her fingers up his arms and shoulders to his neck and into his hair.

“Well, as long as you’re upfront about it.”

“Everything else is a bonus.” Kanan doesn’t reply; maybe she shouldn’t have said that. Instead, he buries his face in her neck and lifts her off the ground. He carries her to her bunk, but she stands and removes her clothes before settling on Kanan’s lap. He’s kissing her again, and she’s trying to keep up, but her mind is racing about Maia and Lux and what this could mean for the rebellion. To have someone inside the Empire, even in a small role through connections like Lux, would be incredibly useful. Kanan’s mouth trails down from her mouth to her neck, to her clavicle. 

Hera pulls the tie out of Kanan’s hair, running her fingers through it, and she feels him smile against her throat. It feels like his mouth and hands are everywhere. She can feel him twitch against her thigh, too. Knowing how badly Kanan wants her is a heady feeling. Sometimes it is overwhelming, and Hera worries about what it means. She worries that he is too attached or that she’s not attached enough. She could be, though, if she wasn’t so distracted with the rebellion. 

Kanan strokes her cheek and guides her mouth back to his. Then he sighs against her lips, “You’re not here right now, are you?”

“I’m sorry,” says Hera. “I can’t stop thinking about Maia and Gerrera. That doesn’t mean we have to stop. I just…” Kanan makes a face that halts Hera’s statement.

“It’s ok. Do you want to try to sleep?” 

She’s still on his lap, and she asks, “Do you mind?”

Kanan grins at her, stands with her still in his arms, and waves his right hand at the bed, which makes the covers drawback. Hera giggles and Kanan puts her in bed and climbs in after her. 

“I feel like that isn’t what the Force is supposed to be used for,” observes Hera.

“What do you know?” replies Kanan in a whisper. He curls around her, then shifts, so he’s not pressed right up against her, as if he’s afraid she’ll be offended that he still wants her. His breathing evens out pretty quickly. 

The next day a half pass pretty quickly. Hera does attempt to get Lux to change his mind about Saw Gerrera. 

“Lux, can we talk about Gerrera?” Hera asks after lunch on the second day of their trip. 

Lux gestures for Hera to sit across from him in the common room and says, “Of course.”

“I’m not sure what you know about him, but he has quite the reputation.”

“I’m very familiar with his methods. I fought with him on Onderon using guerrilla warfare tactics.”

“So, you know his methods are considered extreme even by the rebellion’s standards?” asks Hera.

“I know. Believe me, I know. But Maia’s going to join the rebellion, and she’s going to do dangerous things without thinking them through. At least I know Saw will protect her like his own,” replies Lux. “I don’t know your rebels enough to believe they will take care of her.”

Hera considers telling Lux, she’ll keep Maia on the Ghost, but she knows she won’t. She’d have no better luck keeping Maia from danger than Cham did with her. After growing up in a resistance movement, under occupation, watching another freedom fight rise-up, all before she was 16, Hera knows the Ghost and the rebellion is no place for a teenage girl. Hopefully, Gerrera will recognize that.

Hera lands the Ghost outside of Jedha City. Hera insists that she and Kanan accompany Lux and Maia to Gerrera’s camp. Lux dismisses the idea, but he isn’t given much of a choice. 

Hera is curious about Gerrera’s camp and how it differs from how Fulcrum runs things. Sure, she doesn’t really know much about how Fulcrum runs things outside of the missions she’s given, but Gerrera claims his cells are democratic. Hera has her doubts, and Kanana, Hera, isn’t sure why Kanan wants to go, but he takes his lightsaber in two pieces, concealed beneath his hideous coat. 

Of course, it is terribly boring much to Kanan’s delight, and they don’t even go to Gerrera’s camp. They meet Gerrera’s people, a man named Vushan, at a cantina. Gerrera doesn’t show, and Lux behaves as if he didn’t expect him to. Hera pulls Kanan outside the cantina while Lux and Maia say goodbye to one another. 

Lux exits the cantina, and even Kanan doesn’t mention the tears in Lux’s eyes. Hera gives Lux a moment and asks, “Would you like us to take you to your next stop?”

Before Lux can respond, Kanan says, “We should get going.”

“What-why?” asks Hera, but she sees the answer 10 Imperial stormtroopers are heading toward them. “Vape, what are they doing?”

“Pretty heavy presence for a barren moon,” says Kanan.

“Well, Imperial citizens’ safety is important,” replies Hera.

“We should give them room to work,” says Kanan, grabbing Hera by the hand and pulling her in the opposite direction. Lux steps toward them, too. 

But they don’t get far before, they hear, “Good day, citizens, we’re detaining everyone from that cantina until we can question everyone.”

“Question everyone about what?” asks Hera.

“Terrorism, ma’am,” replies Stormtrooper one. 

“Terrorism’s bad,” says Kanan, “We don’t know anything because we’re not from here.”

“You never know what you might have witnessed,” drolly replies Stormtrooper two.

Lux says, “Of course. Happy to help.”

Kanan’s getting fidgety. Hera gives Stormtrooper one a smile and says, “I know you have a job to do, but so do we, and my boss is going to be so upset if we don’t get back to the shop.” She puts her hand on the Stormtrooper’s arm while she says this. Come on, flirt back, thinks Hera. 

“Hey, I get it, but we can’t let anyone go. It won’t take long,” says Stormtrooper one. 

“What information are you looking for? Maybe, we can just tell you what we know,” suggests Lux. 

“We’re looking for Vushan,” says Stormtrooper two. 

“Never heard of him,” supplies Kanan from behind Lux. 

“Vushan and his wife work for Saw Gerrera, a rebel terrorist. Gerrera leads a small band of rebels; they are dangerous, and we have intelligence that says Vushan was here earlier,” says Stormtrooper two, “So, please step back inside the cantina.”

“You’ll all be processed inside in an orderly fashion,” says Stormtrooper one. 

The three are escorted back into the cantina by the two Stormtroopers. Hera already knows how this is going to go. Once they reenter the cantina, someone will recognize them, particularly Lux, who sat with Vushan. Then all three of them will be taken into custody. Then searched, where the Stormtroopers will find Kanan’s lightsaber. She doesn’t think they can make a break for it. If Kanan and Lux are discovered, maybe they have a chance if they run while en route.

Once they enter the cantina, a woman being interviewed by a Stormtrooper points at Lux and says, “That’s the man who was speaking with Vushan.”

“Don’t move!” shouts several Stormtroopers. All of the Stormtroopers draw down on them with blasters. Kanan reaches toward his left side, but Hera intercepts his hand just for a second, and he doesn’t pull his weapon. Stormtroopers confiscate both Hera and Kanan’s blasters but ignore the pieces of Kanan’s least favorite weapon. All three prisoners are cuffed with their hands in front, but no one ever claimed Stormtroopers were smart.

Time seems to slow down, as the Stormtroopers escort Lux, Kanan, and Hera to their base of operations in Jedha City. Fortunately, the sun is setting, and it will be dark, which should provide some cover. They’ve all given fake names to the Stormtroopers, but once they get to their base of operations, they’ll be id’d. 

Twelve guards load Lux, Kanan, and Hera in a transport. Lux whispers, “What’s the plan? They can’t run a facial recognition scan on me.”

“On you?” snaps Kanan. 

“Right, of course,” replies Lux. 

Hera leans slightly toward Kanan and asks, “How do you want to play this?”

“I can’t see this going any other way than a firefight,” says Kanan.

“That sounds like a bad idea,” says Lux, “Like a plan where we can’t win.”

“Stop the talking back there,” shouts one of the Stormtroopers, but Hear can’t tell them all apart. 

“On three, we jump?” whispers Kanan. 

“Jump from what?” asks Lux.

“The door, I’m about to make,” replies Kanan, “Wanna count off, sweetheart?”

“This sounds like a perilous plan,” observes Lux.

Kanan doesn’t bother answering just shrugs. But then he says, “Sweetheart, I’m going to need you to grab the other piece.” He gestures to his back. 

“I’m not going to tell you again,” shouts the Stormtrooper from before. 

Hera grabs the second piece of Kanan’s lightsaber and hands it to him. With his hands still bound, Kanan assembles his lightsaber. He nods to Hera who counts off, “One, two,” she pauses to look at Lux and make sure he’s paying attention, Lux nods back, “Three.”

Kanan turns on the lightsaber; it has a distinctive buzzing sound and bathes the transport in blue light. 

“What the kriff is that?” shouts a Stormtrooper. 

“Lightsaber!” screams another Stormtrooper. Kanan slices through the transport, and Hera grabs Lux by the arm pulling him out of the transport. They land hard on the ground and roll. Hera scrambles to her feet and looks for Kanan. Kanan launches himself out of the transport, hands still bound, blocking blaster blasts with the lightsaber. Hera’s never seen anything like it. Kanan douses his lightsaber for a moment, flips it around in his hands, lights it again, and cuts himself free. He spins back around and continues to block blasts from Stormtroopers. 

Four stormtroopers exit the transport after them. The transport starts to make a wide turn to circle back for them. Hera pulls Lux to his feet and yells, “Let’s go!”

Kanan turns to follow her and Lux. Kanan catches up and overtakes them in no time. He cuts both Hera and Lux free. Hera is tackled from behind by a Stormtrooper. She hits the ground hard and wrestles with the Stormtrooper. She is able to take the blaster off the Stormtrooper and shoots him. A hand wraps around her bicep, pulling her to her feet. She turns on the hand to shoot the person attached to it, but it is Kanan, and he’s using his lightsaber to deflect shots at them. He takes out the other three Stormtroopers who are on foot. The remainder will be on them soon. 

“Thanks for the assist, luv.”

Kanan gives her a wink and smirk in response. They run for cover in an ally. 

Lux rushes to their side and asks, “Are you both ok?” Hera nods, and the three of them continue their escape. Lux continues, “I’m glad. I was worried. That was really brave. I can see why you’re with the rebellion.”

Kanan rolls his eyes and says, “How about less resistance and more distance?”

Lux flushes, but both Hera and Lux nod at Kanan. Hera taps her commlink and hopes Chop gets her abbreviated message. Hera says, “We need to go.”

The remaining eight Stormtroopers are exiting the transport and opening fire. Kanan deflects the blasts with his lightsaber, but they aren’t going to last long. Hera fires back at the Stormtroopers. Kanan needs to get out of here. Hera shoves Kanan’s left shoulder and demands, “Kanan, run. I’ll be right behind you [3].”

Kanan’s face, Hera can’t describe. He looks like he’s in pain. This is her fault. He replies, “Like hell, we’re going together.”

She’s about to tell him how stupid he’s being. As Hera goes to speak, pain rips through her shoulder and chest. She falls into Lux, who keeps her upright, but the pain is so intense her vision is blurry. 

Hera hears Kanan shout, “Get her back to the ship.”

Hera feels Lux lift her into a bridal carry, and her eyes are blurry, but she sees Kanan take off toward the eight Stormtroopers, but he isn’t deflecting blasts anymore. Instead, Kanan is cutting through the Stormtroopers. Hera hears Lux mumble, “Now, that’s the kind of Jedi I remember.”

She must have lost consciousness because she wakes up propped up in a chair in the Ghost’s cockpit. Lux is cutting off her shirt around the blaster wound, and Chop is pissed and flying haphazardly. 

“Kanan?” asks Hera. 

“[Meat sack interception in 10…9…8…7].”

Lux pats Hera’s head and says, “We’re going to get him.”

Hera shakes his hand off her head; she’s so tired. She wants Kanan. 

“[2..1]”

Hera comes in and out of consciousness for a few hours. She catches bits and pieces of conversations. Like Lux saying, “I’ll find my own way home. No need to put yourselves in more danger.”

And Chop chirping, “[Fix my organic, meat sack.]”

“I don’t speak binary!”

“Master Yoda said, death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force [4],” that’s Kanan’s voice. But he doesn’t sound like he’s talking to anyone, maybe himself?

“You can’t leave me, Hera. I can’t do that again.”

Hera wakes up for real several hours later in her own bed with Kanan sitting on the floor next to it with his head close to her hand, eyes closed.

“What happened?” asks Hera.

Kanan startles and jumps up, saying, “You were shot.”

“Yeah, I got that part,” replies Hera. She moves to sit up, but pain rips through her shoulder and chest again. 

“Hera, stay still. You’re in bad shape. Bonteri and I had to put like four bacta patches on you.”

“Where is the Senator?” asks Hera. Her mouth is dry and tastes like cotton, a side effect the pain medication they’ve been giving her. 

“No, he’s not here, and before you start, it was his decision. He thought it might be easier if he found his own way home. I don’t think he was too inclined to ride any longer with Chop.”

“Chop was flying?”

“And apparently planning my rescue. Bonteri said, he tended to you, and before he could tell the droid to go back, Chop already had me lined up. And quick thinking, sending Chop the distress call,” says Kanan with something like pride in his voice. 

“I’m surprised Chop didn’t leave you,” says Hera. 

“Think that was more for your benefit. Bonteri said you were asking for me,” says Kanan leaning close to Hera’s face. Kanan strokes the side of her face and says, “You scared me. I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“And leave you with my ship? Never.”

“Glad you have your priorities straight,” laughs Kanan. Hera feels her face twitch in pain, and Kanan says, “I’m going to give you another dose for pain.” She feels light again, and her vision is blurry. Kanan says, “Just relax, Hera. Just relax.”

“So, that was your lightsaber?”

Kanan nods and asks with a wink, “Did it live up to expectations?” 

“It was longer than I thought it would be.”

Kanan grins and laughs, “You can adjust it based on your height.”

“You going to let me try it?”

“It’s heavier than it looks, and I think it should stay put away.” She doesn’t respond, feeling sleep overcome her. Kanan kisses her forehead and strokes her head between her right lekku and right ear cone. She feels herself relax into Kanan’s touch. 

“Stay?” asks Hera. 

Come morning, after Hera feels more like a person, she remembers the Fulcrum meeting. She asks Kanan about it. They were supposed to rendezvous after Jedha City on another moon. She assumes Kanan went without her.

“Missed it,” is all Kanan says. 

Later when she asks Chop why didn’t continue to the coordinates as programmed in the Ghost, Chop says, “[No modifications were made.]”

“Then how did Kanan miss the meeting?”

“[Mea—Organic Kanan Unit,]” begins Chop, that’s new Chop calling Kanan by his name, “[stayed with Hera Unit. Kanan Unit did not reply to Fulcrums messages.]”

They never talk about it. They talk about Hera’s shoulder and how they will never go back to Jedha City. But they never talk about what a close call it was. They never talk about Kanan’s response to Hera’s being shot, and despite what Bonteri said, Hera doesn’t think slicing through people like that is a Jedi thing. She thinks he was angry. They don’t talk about how he meditates more and more. And they never talk about Kanan’s decision to forgo a meeting with Fulcrum. 

Notes  
[1] Steela Gerrera Clone Wars 5X02 A war on two fronts  
[2] Ashoka Tano Clone Wars 3X10 Heroes on both sides  
[3] Star Wars: Kanan Omnibus by Greg Weisman  
[4] Yoda Star Wars Revenge of the Sith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm thinking about continuing this story but switching POVs a bit moving forward.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first Star Wars fanfic. Be kind. 
> 
> There is always a typo, no matter how hard I try, and in this case, I've written 10k words in 24 hours, so probably a few.


End file.
